Twists of Fate: a Sequel to The Forces of Destiny
by SingingLotus
Summary: Just when Lauren Southwood thinks she has her life figured out back home in Michigan, she receives some unexpected news. Realizing what he needs, Ryan Wolfe sets out to find her. Will they get caught in the twists of fate or will they finally be reunited?
1. New Beginnings

The sun's summer rays were beating down upon me as I made my way down the crowded street. My small Michigan town was now packed with tourists who wanted a slice of our summer heaven. I smiled to myself regardless. I cherished my morning walks to my mother's little art supply store. Although we lived about a half a mile away, I never took a car. There was something so wistful about walking the streets of my youth again. It was almost as though I was that wide-eyed teenager with an overactive imagination and larger than life dreams again.

But this time, instead of plotting my escape, I was happy just to stay here. It was such a foreign concept to me, but the fresh air was just the thing I needed. My own little hideaway from my real life. I know it seems crazy, but I was at peace. Within the past three months, I was already being to heal over. All of the loose ends in my life were being tied up so neatly, and the organization was now back. I could wake up in the morning and not have to worry about what was to come. The routine may have been mundane, but it was exactly what I needed.

At first, my mom was skeptical. She was so sure that I was making a huge mistake by walking away from all that I'd worked so hard for, but when she saw the smile on my face she stopped asking questions. I was happy, and that was all she cared about. Of course, I still see the worry in her face when she looks at me when she thinks I'm not watching. She has come around though, accepting what I want.

Sometimes I wonder if this was all meant to happen in the first place. It seems to me that life is so random. What if I had never gone to Miami? What would have happened? I push away the first thought that comes into my head. _He_ is always present no matter what. I don't have time to fret on it though. After all, it has been a while. _He_ must have moved on by now.

Then again, I wouldn't have fallen in love if I wasn't there. So it's a give and take. I may not want to think about it or focus on it, but it is the truth. The whole reason I'm here doesn't have to do solely with him, but it lies within me. I needed to learn who I really was, who I was before all of this.

And where better than my home? I was getting closer with each day that I stayed here. The little parts of my past that I blocked out were slowly beginning to bubble to the surface.

I sighed and the shop came into sight. There were already people milling around ready to see what we had to offer. I shook my head as I spied my mom setting things up for these tourists. Usually I beat her here, but she must have made an early trip. Her long brown hair fell around her like a fan, and for a moment it was like I was looking into a mirror. The similarities were undeniable, and I never ceased to hear it from everyone.

_Could this be my future? _

"Well good morning there Lauren," Mr. Bridge, the man who owned the antique shop next to ours, said.

His greeting interrupted the thought that was running through my head and I smiled quickly. "Morning! Some crowd today isn't it?" I blocked the sun from my eyes as I looked over them again.

He nodded. "Yes it is. I'm not about to complain though."

I laughed at his dry humor and he winked at me.

"You better get to work before that mother of your's comes out here," He nodded in her direction where she was watching our conversation. "I would hate to get you in trouble."

I raised my eyebrows. "Now that would be the day."

He chuckled and returned to sweeping the sand away from his stoop. "Yeah yeah."

I waved and made my way to help my mom with her set up. She looked up at me for a moment and then returned back to moving paintings onto stands. We worked in silence for a little while before she finally spoke up.

"So what did that old man have to say today?"

I rolled my eyes. "The usual, I think he forgets that was have the same conversation every morning."

"Well," She replied looking up at me. "It's good of you to humor him. I think you're what he lives for nowadays. If you heard how he talks about you…"

"Really?" I came from around the counter and began dusting. "That's sweet."

She laughed. "He asked me the other day if you were going to be taking over the shop someday. Can you believe that?"

I froze for a moment and tried to recover quickly. "No."

My pause was too long, she caught on quickly. "Are you alright?"

My mouth was dry and my palms were sweaty, but I smiled at her anyway. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"It was just a joke hunny," She came over to where I was standing. "I don't expect you to stay here forever."

I nodded, still shocked with the idea. "I just had a thought like that earlier that's all."

"Like what?" She questioned. "You staying here? I think we both know that won't happen."

I looked up at her unsure.

"That itch you had as a child to leave will come back, don't worry," She smiled trying to reassure me.

I don't know if it helped though. I was still frightened by the thought of being here forever. Is that what I really wanted?

Instead of focusing on that, I threw myself into work. Once we opened, the flood of people kept me to busy to fret on it. My mind was so focused on art figures and trying to get people to stop haggling with me. Once it hit noon, I could feel the day already wearing on me. Business was great today, but the humidity was not helping anything. My mom was over the moon because she had already sold two originals, and she was in a celebrating mood.

"Lets go to lunch," She proclaimed suddenly.

I checked my watch again and saw that it was a good time to take a break. "Alright, but I get to pick."

"Fine with me," She smiled. "As long as it's not Chinese."

I rolled my eyes and ignored her as I flipped over the break sign on our door. "Let's go."

~*********~

We chatted about nothing in particular as we made our way down the street to my favorite diner. This was the one thing that I had really missed about home, the food. There is nothing like one of Russ' famous sandwiches.

"How did I know this was what you were going to pick?" Jan said to me as we sat down.

"Because I am so utterly predictable?" I replied.

She nodded. "And also the fact that I gave birth to you."

"Oh! You're right!" I said throwing my hands in the air dramatically. "How could I forget that?"

"Sometimes," She said sarcastically. "I just don't know what you are thinking."

The thing I loved most about Russ' was the atmosphere. It was the perfect small town diner, with modern touches of course. The original counter from the 50's was still here, and there was something so retro about the booths. Then, there was the T.V. that was mounted on the wall. It looked so out of place among the rest of the décor, but I loved it. Every time I walked in here it reminded me of a simpler time.

"What are you going to get?" Mom asked me tearing me out of the past. "Not the usual I hope?"

"No, I think I want a Slim Jem," I replied ignoring her sarcasm. "Ham and cheese, you just can't go wrong with that."

"Good choice," She agreed and perused the menu. "I think I want a Reuben."

I snorted. "Shocker."

"It sounds good!" She replied trying to defend herself.

I shook my head and smiled at her. How alike the two of us were. The waitress came over and took our order and I let my attention drift to the drone of the T.V. that was turned to some news channel. I tried to pay attention, but sometimes politics just made me queasy.

"Any good news?" Mom asked me.

"None that I can see," I turned back to her and shrugged. "I wish for once there would be though. It's all death and dying."

"Welcome to the world," She quipped as she added sugar to her coffee.

"Sometimes I'm glad that I'm not a part of all of that anymore," I mused.

"You were never the problem," She pointed out. "You were always getting justice."

"Not always," I replied sadly.

"You know what I mean. It was you speaking for the people who couldn't anymore. You can't sit there and tell me that you don't miss that."

"I didn't say I missed that part," I clarified. "But I am glad I don't have to see it all of the time. It takes a toll on you after a while."

"I know," She smiled. "That's why you are here."

Almost on cue, our food came and I started to devour it. I must have been more hungry than I thought. For some reason, whenever I was here food tasted so much better.

"About earlier, I didn't mean to freak you out."

"Are you talking about the shop?" I replied after taking a huge bite.

"Yes," She nodded. "I don't expect you to take over."

"I just," I sighed. "I'm not even sure what I want. At this point in my life I have no idea. Everything is so up in the air and there are so many directions I could go."

"Let me ask you this then," She narrowed her eyes. "Do you want to be here, in this town, forever?"

"I'm not sure mom."

"Just think about it ok? I would hate to see you make a mistake."

I exhaled. "There is just a lot that could happen and--"

I stopped abruptly and my attention was stolen by an all to familiar image playing on the television screen.

"What?" She turned around to see what I was looking at. "What is it Lauren?"

I was silent.

The red hair was what caught my attention at first, but it took me a moment to realize that I was my former boss. My breathing became shallow and I found it hard to swallow. I stood from my seat and walked over to turn up the volume. The telecast was just starting and they were waiting for a statement from the Miami-Dade police.

Horatio stood behind a podium solemnly, and for some reason I was holding my breath until he started to speak:

_"It has been a while since we have had a raid of this scale here in Miami, and I can say that we were successful." He paused for a moment. "Although, it didn't go off without a hitch." _

I sighed raggedly and my eyes were glued to him.

_"As soon as we reached the location, the targets opened fire upon us. We were expecting this, but they had a lot more men than we had anticipated. One of my CSI's was critically injured and he is in the ICU right now." _

_"But did you get them?" A reported shouted out. _

_"We did, but at what cost? Not only is this man injured, we lost three other officers out there. This is a real wake up call to Miami and I am out here to urge anyone with information on Sanchez Martin to step forward and help us put him away." _

_"And what of the injured CSI? Can you tell us his name and condition?" Someone else shouted. _

_"I can say no more than what has already been said. Thank you all for your time."_

_  
_The broadcast ended there and went back to the newsroom where they were breaking this story. I continued to watch as my mind raced a million miles a minute. What happened? Who was the CSI? Was it _him_?

The anchor spoke again:

_"As you know, we broke this story two months ago. Today we have received word that Miami-Dade has brought Sanchez Martin into custody. This is good news for the people of Miami who were all terrorized by this drug lord criminal." _

My heart almost leapt into my throat. This was an old story and everything was fine, no one died. I shook my head and tried not to think about it for a moment. Of course I would only hear of it now. Why would I know any sooner? I had no special privileges. I locked eyes with my mom who had her concerned face on.

"Guess I overreacted."

Her mouth turned into a scowl. "I still don't like this."

"What?"

"You get all worked up whenever something happens in Miami." She said. "Why don't you just call him if you are so worried?"

"I was not worried."

She snorted. "You are a terrible liar Lauren. You turned white as a ghost, and you can't seriously expect that he is going to stay out of harms way. After all, he is in law enforcement."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." I stood up and walked back over to our table where my purse was sitting. I grabbed some money from my wallet and threw it on the table. This was the last thing that I wanted to deal with. I didn't need her getting on my case about this again.

"I'll see you at home," I said looking over my shoulder as I left. "I'm really not feeling that well."

The bell on the door jingled with a start as I opened it quickly and walked away without looking back again.

~*********~

I must have paced back and forth in my room hundreds of times, but this time I was even more unsure of what to do than I'd ever been. Every now and then, I would stare at the phone and try to fight the urge to just call him. Once, I even dialed half of the number before losing the courage to talk to him.

I sat down on my bed with an audible _oomph_ and leaned my head back onto the headboard. This whole thing made me want to put my head through a wall. For so long, I thought that I was ok with the whole situation, and now I wasn't sure at all. Just seeing that one telecast made me rethink everything.

So much for being healed over.

I thought this trip was supposed to help me clear my head and it was. Just one thing threw me into just as much confusion as I had before.

I stood up quickly and grabbed the phone from where in tossed it into the sheets before. It was only 2:00 pm so he would still be at MDPD. If I just heard his voice for a moment that would be ok wouldn't it? That would take away this feeling right? I sighed and dialed the number and listened to the rings on the other end.

I was nervous. Stupid I know, but I was.

"Miami Dade Police Department," A woman's voice greeted me.

"Yes," I replied clearing my throat. "Can I be transferred to Ryan Wolfe please?" I had some trouble saying his name, and it was very evident.

She paused for a moment as if unsure of what to do. So I waited.

"He isn't here." She said slowly.

"Where is he?"

"You haven't heard?" She seemed shocked, and for the second time today my stomach dropped.

"Haven't heard what?" I nearly shouted.

"He's gone."

"Gone," I whispered.

"Yes, he--"

"Thank you," I cut her off and clicked the end button quickly wanting to get the phone as far away from me as possible.

This whole time I was wrong, he wasn't fine. He was gone. I left him there and he was injured and I didn't even know. No one told me that he--he…I couldn't even bring myself to say the words. Tears fell from my eyes and I curled up into a ball trying to get this feeling of pain not to stab me so.

I stayed there like that for hours until my mom came home, and I was hysterical. She held me while I cried and tried to comfort me, but there was no comfort in the world that could help me. He was gone, and I wasn't there.

"He's gone," I whispered over and over through the tears.

And no matter how hard I tried, the pain kept coming.

And no matter how hard I cried, it would not bring him back.

~*********~

Three broken ribs, a bullet, and near death really changes a man.

After seeing so many people in the same position I was in pull through, I thought that I would too.

Delko must have been superman though.

Every time I tried to go back out into the field after the accident I found myself spooked by the smallest things. Once I even winced in fear when a car backfired.

I'm lucky though, I have the best boss in the world. Horatio saw the condition I was in and understood. The day he pulled me into his office and told me to go on vacation was the best day, and best thing that I could have hoped for. So I took his not so subtle advice and decided to take a leave from the crime lab. After some lighthearted ribbing from Delko, he told me that it was a great decision. Coming from him, I knew that was some kind of off handed good luck.

Today was my farewell party, and there was a cake and everything. I sat down with my co-workers in the break room and we talked about all of the good and not so good times. The reminiscing was nice though. As much as they all annoyed me sometimes, I knew I was going to miss them.

"So where are you going to go Ryan?" Calleigh asked me.

"I honestly don't know," I replied still feeling unsure of what would be good for a time like this. "I have a few options, but I know I want to go somewhere simple and relaxing."

"Cross Mexico off your list then," Delko quipped.

I laughed. "I don't think it was ever on it to begin with."

"Why not somewhere like California?" Natalia asked.

"If he wanted that much sun he could stay here," Calleigh laughed and continued on. "I can't believe you don't know."

"It's a hard decision."

"Why don't you just blindfold yourself and throw a dart at a map," Delko suggested. "There ya go, decision made."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Calleigh chastised him.

"I think it's pretty clever," He replied smugly. "I'm going to do that for my next trip."

She ignored him. "Well, there is one place you could go…"

I had a feeling that I knew what she was going to say, and I didn't want her to go there. "Calleigh."

"Seriously," She started again. "It makes so much sense. You know it as much as I do."

"It doesn't make sense," I replied narrowing my eyes. "Not now it doesn't. I'm respecting what she wants."

"Oh," Natalia said suddenly. "You're talking about Lauren."

I stood up. "And the conversation is over."

"I think she has a point though Wolfe," Delko said as he followed me out the door. "It's been a while."

"Three months."

"Which is a while," He said again. "So maybe this is the time to find her again."

"I don't know."

"Ok," He said holding up his hands. "I won't push. Just think about it though."

I said my final goodbyes to everyone and made my way home. What they all said was replaying in my head. Maybe they were all right? I shook away the thoughts and tried to figure out what I wanted to do. Miami is the vacation spot and I wanted to leave. It seemed a little strange to me, but I had to make a decision. So I packed all of my things and listened to what my head and heart were telling me to do.

I was leaving this place behind.

The next morning I made my way through the airport and boarded a plane to Michigan. I wasn't really sure where I was going, but I knew that somehow I had to find her.

~*********~

**I'm back!**

**Sorry it took so long. I had to make sure that I knew exactly where this would be going, and now I do. This is the first chapter of the sequel yay!! I hope you all enjoy it, please feel free to let me know!**

**Lulu**


	2. 42 Seconds

Every time I boarded a plane, I remembered why I hated flying. It's bad enough that they are always overcrowded, but add to that the fact that you were so high up in the air…It's pretty unnerving. Just thinking about it gave me a headache. I made my way to the middle section of the plane and found my seat just as the final people were making there way down the small aisles. I threw my carry-on in the overhead compartment and was thankful to be seated near the window.

This whole half-concocted plan of mine was insane. After all, I had no idea where I was going or what to do. All I had to go on was the overpowering feeling of needing to see Lauren. She used to talk of her hometown during our late night conversations, but all I remember is the beauty of any story she told. No real details about her town stood out when compared to her.

I sighed.

This was going to be harder than I imagined.

Michigan was a big state, and what means did I even have of tracking her down? All I really knew was that she lived on the water. Like that helps with all the lakes around the peninsula. If only there was some way of making my way to her. The only thing I really wanted was to just see her once more, to be with her once more.

My plan to sleep was thwarted by my overactive mind, and once the plane landed in Detroit I knew I would have to refuel before I started out. I made my way through the crowded airport and found all of my bags successfully. I already had a hotel reservation, so I caught a cab and made my way to the middle of the bustling city.

It was a typical hotel room, but once my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep fully clothed. Exhausted from the lack of sleep I'd had.

My journey had yet to begin, but I knew that if I waited to much longer I would loose all my confidence.

Nothing was going to stop me from getting to her, not again.

~*********~

I laid in my bed staring up at the ceiling. The darkness was closing in on me like a cloak. No dreams were present to carry me off to that wonderful numbness of sleep. For the last few nights, I didn't sleep a wink. The news of Ryan made my heart nearly stop dead in its tracks. I couldn't even pretend anymore. My mom knew that I wasn't sleeping. So the insomnia became something that kept me busy during the nights. I would take these long walks around the boardwalk, or I would run along the beach.

I channeled everything into some kind of motion that would keep my mind off of the here and now. As long as I was moving or busy, the distraction was enough. My days ran into my nights, and soon it was hard for me to tell what a normal persons schedule was. My life had become one ever long moment.

I had fallen apart again.

I was more broken now than I was when I first made my way back home. There was no driving force behind me. I had become just an empty shell of a person. Walking around I was hollow, and everyone could see that there was no light left in my eyes. At the shop, Jan had to keep me away from the customers because I could barely function with people anymore. I knew that I was scaring the tourists away, but I couldn't help it.

The sun was going to be up soon, so I took off on my now morning run. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore was soothing. I learned to tune everything else out except the sound of the water and my breathing. Once I was tired enough to quit, I made my way back to the house to shower and change.

"Morning," My mom said as I made my way out of the bathroom with a towel still on my head.

I nodded in her direction and grabbed a cup of coffee.

She sighed, seeing no change in my mood or behavior. "I hired someone else for the shop."

That caught my attention. "What? Why?"

"I think you know why," She countered raising her eyebrows.

"If this has anything to do with me not being as friendly then--"

She held up her hand cutting me off. "That's part of it, but I just need someone who can actually _sell_ things too."

I sat down in a huff. "Fine. Who is this mystery person?"

"You went to high school with him," She replied not looking up at me. "Andrew Hart."

I nearly spit out my coffee. "Are you serious?"

She nodded in response.

"I thought he moved to Hollywood or something like that. He always said he wanted to be a film maker."

"Well," She looked me square in the eye. "I guess he didn't."

"What does he even know about art?" I asked angrily.

"Lauren, that's enough."

I rolled my eyes and walked away from her to finish my hair before leaving for the shop. I couldn't believe that she would hire someone else. Especially this punk kid from my high school. I left before her as I took my walk to work. I tried to keep my mind from wandering, but it still did no matter how I tried. It took me less time than usual, and by the time I made it to the art shop Mr. Bridge wasn't even outside yet.

I unlocked the place and was already setting it up when my mom made her way in. She didn't say a word to me as she began her own set up work. The two of us worked silently for about a half an hour before we officially opened for the day. I took my normal seat by the cash register and waited for her to say something to me, but she just kept her silent act.

I shrugged it off and went about my own business. The flow of customers was pretty steady for a Monday, so that kept me occupied enough. I would eye her every now and then, but she was paying me no attention. I guess I must have really gotten to her. I guess after this whole ordeal it was starting to wear on her more than I'd thought. I really didn't want to have to keep her worrying about me, but there was really nothing I could do. I mean, how else was I supposed to deal with this?

I flipped through the book I was pretending to read and noticed that it was just after 11. Time was passing ever so slowly today. At this rate, I was going to have to take a run or something to keep my mind from wandering too much.

I heard the bell on the door ring and snapped my head up to see a man in his late 20's walking into the shop. Normally, I wouldn't pay any attention to such a person, but he was staring right at me. I couldn't help but stare right back. There was nothing really to remarkable about him. He was about 5 foot 9, with sandy brown hair and a slight stubble on his chin. Once he got closer I noticed his hazel brown eyes that were completely different from the ones I was used to staring into.

I flinched slightly and looked away upset that I let myself think of _him_.

"Hey there," The man said now standing in front of me with a small grin on his face.

I cleared my throat. "Can I help you?"

"Ahh," He chuckled. "Of course you don't remember me…Why would you after all?"

I furrowed my brow. "I have no clue what you are talking about."

"I'm not surprised," He replied and then crossed his arms over his chest.

"Are you trying to intentionally offend me?"

"And why would I do that Ms. Southwood?" He said with a smirk. "Or would you prefer Lauren?"

"What--?"

"Oh Drew!" My mom cut me off as she came out from the stock room. "Right on time I see."

"Of course," He said as he went to shake my mothers hand and left me still slightly bewildered. "Your hotshot lawyer daughter doesn't seem to remember me I'm afraid."

"I told her that I hired you," She said giving me a strange look.

I looked away from the both of them and went back to reading my book. I really didn't want to have to deal with this whole thing. The last thing I wanted was to deal with people I went to high school with. How did he expect me to remember him when I barely even spoke to him anyway?

The two of them chatted away for sometime about what he was to do here at the store and I tried not to listen. I was still a little angry about the whole situation anyway. He was pleasant, but that didn't really matter to me. I guess that was what she wanted him here for though. He was someone to play nice with the customers when I wasn't in a playful kind of mood. I could already tell that I wasn't going to enjoy working with him. Other than the fact that he seemed to know an awful lot about me, it annoyed me that he saw the person I _used_ to be. Everyone changes after high school, and I was no exception. I really thought that no one noticed me then anyway. I was never in the same social circle as him, so the whole thing came as a shock to me.

After a while, mom announced that she had to run an errand. I was left in charge and Andrew was to start some of his new duties that I wasn't listening to. She left the two of us, and I went back to ignoring him until he decided that he needed to say something.

"You really don't look that much different from high school," He remarked.

I sighed and set my book down. "Look Andrew, I don't know what your deal with me is…But I am in no mood to chit chat ok?"

That seemed to take him off guard. "Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was just trying to have a small conversation with you."

"Well, don't."

"What is _your_ deal?"

"I just don't feel like talking to people."

He laughed. "Yeah, that I got."

"I don't know why you find it necessary to ridicule me," I said glaring at him.

"So complimenting someone is ridicule in your book? Ok, well at least now I know."

"Well, I can already tell that this is going to be fun," I said sarcastically as I opened up my book again.

"Indeed," He said standing. He made his way over to me and leaned on the counter slightly. "And to think, I always thought you were shy and quiet."

"I'm a lawyer."

He smiled and there were slight crows feet in the corner of his eyes. "Good point."

~*********~

I couldn't help it, even though I knew I shouldn't stare, something in me was drawn to this guy who was suddenly thrust into my life. I was supposed to be working, but I was cheating by watching him logging inventory. I wasn't attracted to him in any way. He was very fascinating though. For so long, I was just floating around and not paying attention to anyone. My observation skills were rusty.

I used to pride myself on noticing things that no one else seemed to, but now I was in the other side. He was the one pointing out things that I would have always seen first. I didn't want to talk to him, which he knew, but that didn't stop him from saying a comment every now and then. Mostly, I would just look up at him and the go back to ignoring his existence. I hated that he could get under my skin so easily. Damn him and his puzzle like demeanor. That was what bugged me the most, the fact that I couldn't figure him out the moment I laid eyes on him.

There was only one other person that I'd had that trouble with before…

I shook my head and sighed audibly. Hearing this, he looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"You alright over there cupcake?" He snickered.

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."

"Also doesn't like pet names," He said to himself and then proceeded to check off an imaginary list.

"Andrew look--"

He held up his hand to me. "Please, call me Drew. Only my mother calls me Andrew."

"Ok Drew," I amended. "You obviously have this need to mess with me, but I'm not really that type of person."

"I knew you were wound tightly," He said nodding. "But I can honestly say I wasn't expecting this." He gestured to my cold demeanor and then made his way over to me. "I just figured it would be good to be friends since we are going to be working together."

"I don't need any more friends. Thank you very much."

"Oh really?" He took a step back. "Tell me then, where are all of these friends you speak of? I haven't seen you with anyone since you have been back home."

"They are in Miami," I answered quickly defending myself. "Wait a sec, you've been watching me?" I checked the clock and noticed it was time to start closing. "Yeah, that's not a little creepy."

I made my way to the door and turned the sign over and then began to turn off some of the lights. He was silent while I completed most of my nightly routine. It wasn't until I was done that I noticed he had already locked everything else up.

I shrugged and went to grab my purse from behind the counter when he stopped me. "You spend most of your time in the old diner down the street, which I also work at. Every time you come in you are either with your mom or alone, and you usually order the same thing. Once in a while you switch it up and order something different, but that is rare."

"I don't have to listen to this," I said as I tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed my shoulder, halting my getaway

"If you aren't there, then you are here or at home. I have never seen you out around town like any normal 26 year old. Sometimes you even sit at the beach and watch the waves, just like you used to during high school. You are a creature of habit Lauren, and it looks like you haven't really changed a whole lot. So what is your deal?"

"Are you done?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"Are you being examined by the legal bar?"

I shifted my weight from leg to leg, clearly annoyed with him.

"No," He took him my body language. "Fired then?"

I snorted.

"Ok, nothing to do with the job then," He looked into my eyes. "So it must be something personal."

I was silent.

He smirked. "Did he dump you or did you dump him?"

I swallowed hard, a lump was forming in my throat.

"Hmmm," He paused a moment. "He must still be in Miami then?"

My head was spinning. Couldn't he see that this was torturing me?

"But you are still in love with him," He didn't wait for a response. "So what happened exactly?"

"Stop," I said weakly. My mouth was dry and I was finding it hard to speak. Where does he get off examining my life like this?

He cocked his head to the side slightly. "You left."

"This is none of your business."

"Even though you are clearly still in love with him?" He was watching for my reaction. "I have to say Lauren, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

"STOP!" I ripped my shoulder out of his grasp and turned my back on him before he could see the tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," He said softly and gently touched the small of my back.

"Don't you _ever_ touch me," I said through my teeth as I turned around to face him again.

He looked bewildered by my sudden outburst, but I couldn't stand being here anymore. I stormed past him and tried to pick up the pieces that he just tore apart again. Just when I thought everything was so perfect and put together, he rips it open.

I made my way home and tried to forget about everything he'd just said to me. He had no right to do this though. My mind was racing and I could hardly believe that I made my way in the front door when I did. I was just making my way through the living room when I noticed my mom sitting on one of the counter stools doing her nails. She gave me a questioning look as I walked past her, but I tried to ignore her.

I changed into my running clothes quickly and then made my out the door and into the sweet moonlight that guided my way in the night. The only thing that was on my mind was the sound and smell of the water and the soft sand that was under my feet as I ran away from all of my troubles.

~*********~

_There were cop cars swarming all over the warehouse near where the drug bust was going to go down, but Horatio already told us that this was likely. I hopped out of my Hummer and made my way over to the rest of the team in the corner. Calleigh and Delko were talking about the best way to enter the premises, but we already had a plan figured out. _

_After that it felt like the whole thing was in slow motion. Without any warning, Sanchez Martin and his goons opened fire on us. The only option was to fire back. I took shelter behind a stack of tires and came up every now and then to fire back. There were sirens all around and unrecognizable shouting. There was a team of officers coming up behind me so I signaled to them that there was another group that was unseen still. _

_There were exactly seven bullets fired in the next few seconds that followed the new men raiding the scene. _

_Shot one hit and I saw the man go down. _

_I made my way to him after shot two. _

_I shouted for help on shot three and blew my cover. _

_Shot four killed the women who was coming to help the man slowly dying in my arms. _

_Shot five ricocheted off of an old car and caused me to fall backwards. _

_I laid on the ground feeling a sharp pain in my body as shot six rang out. _

_And then as shot seven hit me, I felt nothing but the numbness and darkness come over me. _

_The whole thing took exactly 42 seconds, and in that short time I was never more sure that I was going to die. _

~*********~

I awoke from the nightmare, as I always did, covered in sweat. I sat up straight in my hotel bed and tried to catch my breath. Tonight there was no screaming, but reliving this memory was never easy. It makes me realize how short time really is. I swallowed hard, still trying to shake off the feeling. The doctors told me that it would take a while to get over what happened. Lately, it seemed that whenever I closed my eyes I would see what happened. I would relive those 42 seconds every night. Those who died that day were not really dead, for every night I would see them.

I pinched the bridge on my nose and tried to make this impending headache go away. I took the prescription that was given to me and laid back down, hoping for some rest. It always seemed so crazy and scary to me that in such a short time everything can change.

I ran my hands through my hair and felt the bullet wound behind my left ear, a silent reminder of what could have so easily happened in those 42 seconds.

~*********~

**I am so so so sorry that it took me so long to get chapter 2 out. I had so much going on in my life, between college and boys….things get complicated way to easily. Anyway, now I am back and more ready to continue than ever. Any ounce of writers block that I had is now gone, and I hope that you all can forgive me and keep reading! Please leave any thoughts that you might have because you know how much I love to hear them!!**

**Lulu **

**P.S. I would also like to dedicate this chapter to 26hannah26. Thanks for getting my butt in gear!!!! You rock!**


	3. The Bonfire

The atmosphere around _Jewel Lily Paintings _was very tense now a days. In the week that Drew had been working, we sold more and more paintings than ever. My mom was over the moon about her new employee, but I didn't exactly feel the same. After the night I closed with him, avoiding him at all costs was just easier. Sure, I had to help with a customer every now and then. Our conversation, however, never went beyond work. I made sure of that.

I knew that he was still an arrogant jerk, just like he was in high school. I wanted nothing to do with him. There were times that we were alone together, but I would just put in my headphones and tune the rest of the world out. It was hard enough that I was dealing with so much grief, so having someone like him around made things more difficult. When I was frustrated or scared, I always found myself listening to music. There was always solace to be found in a great melody.

The best days were when I was alone.

I didn't have judging eyes always upon me, and it was like I could let loose and be the real me. I was keeping myself hidden behind a veil, no one was able to see who I had become. It was so easy to pretend. Sometimes, I found myself forgetting which act I was playing. There were too many characters in my fantasy. I didn't want to forget who I really was, but it seemed like that was inevitable.

Today was an easy day. We always closed early on Saturdays and it was my job to take care of everything before the next work day. I was just finishing off the stock list and getting ready to cover everything up when I decided that I needed something to help this process along. I came from the back room and grabbed my purple ipod off of the shelf below the cash register and flipped through the music looking for the perfect song. I smiled slightly when I came upon a certain song title and listened as the opening piano started off slowly and gently.

He voice came in and I sang along softly, relishing every word.

_Like a freeze-dried rose, you will never be,  
What you were, what you were to me in memory.  
But if I listen to the dark,  
You'll embrace me like a star,  
Envelope me, envelope me...  
If things get real for me down here,  
Promise to take me to before you went away -  
If only for a day.  
If things get real for me down here,  
Promise to take me back to the tune  
We played before you went away._

I found myself singing along as I identified with the heartbreak and pain that this song spoke of.

_And if I listen to, the sound of white,  
Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.  
Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white ..  
You're my mystery. One mystery. My mystery. One mystery.  
_

Every second I was with Ryan was like this song and I couldn't help but picture the two of us together. He was always the one I was trying to figure out, and now he is gone and the pain seems to always cut through me.

_My silence solidifies,  
Until that hollow void erases you,  
Erases you so I can't feel at all.  
But if I never feel again, at least that nothingness  
Will end the painful dream, of you and me...  
If things get real for me down here, promise to take me to  
Before you went away, if only for a day.  
If things get real for me down here, promise to take me back to  
The tune we played before you went away._

I wanted so badly to go back to the way things were before, but our song was now over. Every second with him was like a lifetime. There was no way that I would every be stronger without him because I was so alive when I was with him and just in his presence.

_And if I listen to, the sound of white  
Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.  
Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white  
Sometimes I hear your smile, and breathe your light.  
And if I listen to, the sound of white. _

_I knelt before some strangers face,  
I'd never have the courage or belief to trust this place,  
But I dropped my head, 'cause it felt like lead,  
And I'm sure I felt your fingers through my hair..._

Sometimes, I felt like maybe he was listening to what I had to say. Maybe if I sang just for him again he would come back to me. Maybe if I tried hard enough I would be able to see him once more.

_And if I listen to, the sound of white sometimes  
I hear your smile, and breathe your light.  
Yeah if I listen to, the sound of white.  
The sound of white,  
The sound of white,  
The sound of white._

The song ended and I knew that I was singing along the whole time. It felt like anytime I needed music he was the reason behind it. Maybe he was my voice? Without him, though, the song never seemed the same. I sighed to myself and tried to fight back all the emotions that were flooding through me. I hated that I had to always think of him. The pain was just to great sometimes. I took out my headphones and finished my work silently.

The rest of the world fell away into the background and I knew that the here and now was going to have to take center stage if I wanted to get through the rest of the day. I locked the door behind me and took a deep breath as I walked out into the warm night. Summer was always so beautiful in Michigan, but I knew that I wasn't going to enjoy it as much as I used to.

It was just twilight and the warmth was still abundant. I looked over to the beach as I made my way up my front stairs. It was almost as though the waves were beckoning me to come and play. Maybe tonight I would go for a swim? I put on my usual running clothes, with my bathing suit underneath, and headed out to find peace in the dark blue waters.

~*********~

I did usual two miles up and down the boardwalk and was about to call it quits for the night when I spotted the tell-tale signs of a bonfire. Maybe it's my curious nature, or me subconsciously calling out for someone to talk to, but I walked over to the rowdy area. There was some generic pop music being sputtered out of a boom box and a few beer cans lying around. I rolled my eyes and yelled at myself internally.

_What the hell am I doing?_

There was no reason for me to be here. I turned around to walk away when I heard someone call out my name.

"Lauren!"

I whipped around quickly and was surprised to find none other than Drew Hart walking toward me with a small smile plastered on his face.

"I'm glad to see you came," He said once he reached me.

I cocked my head to the side slightly and gave him a questioning look.

"You did get the invite right? From your mom?" He said catching on.

"Umm, no."

"Oh," He replied slightly crestfallen. "Well, I guess this is just one big coincidence then?"  
He seemed overly happy about the whole thing and that scared me slightly. "I guess…"

"Well come join us!" He extended his arm to the group of curious onlookers behind him.

I put up my hands. "I don't know. I just got done with my run."

"Your point is?" He said snapping open another beer.

"That I should go home and shower," I replied feeling out of my element. "And ya know, sleep."

"Since when do you sleep?" He asked laughing. "Just a little while, come on, you know it will make your mom happy."

I sighed. He played the mom card, damn him. Of course this would get back to her and she would beam with joy. He whole mission for the past week has been for me to have some kind of human reaction.

"Fine," I said defeated.

"Excellent."

He led the way to the rest of the group and proceeded to give small introductions. I didn't really pay attention to most of the names, but I did recognize many of the faces- albeit older- from high school. I couldn't believe that most of them still lived here. He was always the ring leader of the popular people, and now here they were like nothing had changed at all. I smiled and nodded as he introduced me, and most of them remembered who I was as well.

"What did I miss?" A beautiful blonde woman asked as she skipped happily toward the fire. She wore a brilliant smile on her face that I was instantly jealous of. It had been so long since I actually smiled.

Drew looked up at the sound of her voice. "Not much," He put his arm around her shoulders. "I was just introducing everyone to Lauren."

"The girl you work with right?" She said glancing up at him.

"The one and only," He smirked.

She smacked his arm playfully and made her way over to me. "Just ignore him, that's what I do."

"Thanks for the advice," I said as I shifted my weight uncomfortably.

"I'm Meggie by the way," She shook my hand and I noticed the engagement ring on her finger. I quickly put two and two together, no wonder she was so happy. Now I was now jealous of her in a different way. She was able to be with the man she loved, unlike me.

"When's the big day?" I asked gesturing to her ring, trying to change the subject.

"Oh," She instantly flushed red and I remembered that feeling all to well. "Well Drew and I have two different dates. It all just depends on when my family can get here."

"You and Drew huh?" I glanced in his direction and he quickly avoided my eyes. It seemed odd that he never mentioned it.

She smiled widely. "Yeah, it was a pretty big surprise too."

"Isn't that the whole idea?" I said bluntly.

"Of course," She laughed and it was like the sound of wind chimes. "But we have only been together for about six months."

I nodded. It did seem like a pretty fast engagement, but I didn't really know them as a couple. "Sometimes when you know," The sadness crept into my voice. "You know."

"Here here!" Drew butted in. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was growing increasingly uncomfortable with this conversation. He was a tough nut to crack. Meggie brought me over to sit with her by the bonfire and I sat listening to their conversations about summer and how nice it was to be outside. I knew that they were the same people from so long ago, but it was hard to see them in the same light. Everyone had grown up so much, which was to be expected. It was kind of crazy that they were all still here hanging out on a Saturday night just like old times though.

For the most part, everyone kind of forgot that I was there. I would contribute to the conversation every now and then, but other than that I was pretty silent. The tan girl across the fire was yapping on about her newest "novel" when I leaned over to talk with Meggie. She did intrigue me very much after all.

"So did you recently move here?" I asked while burying my shoes in the sand.

"Yeah, around a year ago," She replied brushing a hair out of her face. "I needed somewhere to actually work productively."

I furrowed my brow, confused by her answer.

"Oh," She giggled and I realized that it was something she did often. "I'm a nurse."

"And the big city life wasn't doing it for you?"

"It really wasn't," She said honestly. "I love being able to know all of the people I treat. It's like one big family. My grandmother used to live here, so I just moved into her old house. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made."

It was like she was the opposite of me. I was always looking for the bright lights, and all she wanted was peace and quiet. She found everything she wanted too it seemed. Maybe I should take a page from her book?

I watched the flames glow from blue to red. "How did you meet Drew?"

She looked over at him quickly and I saw the same look of admiration that she had earlier. "He burned himself at the restaurant and I was the one who treated him." As she smiled, I could see her green eyes sparkle. "He was a handful, but shortly there after, he came to visit me again to apologize for his well--profanity. He brought flowers and everything. He asked me out a week later and we have been going strong since then."

I smiled weakly. "That's great. Good for you two."

"When he proposed," She continued on lost in her memory. "It was one of those moments when you realize that you have everything you could ever ask for and more. Ya know?"

I cleared my throat. "Kind of."

She touched her ring absentmindedly. "I'm sorry, sometimes I just can't believe that it all happened. I still have so much to do as far as the wedding goes. It's very overwhelming. I have no idea how to go about this kind of thing. We're hoping to do it by the end of this summer, and if we do I am still so unprepared. I don't even have a dress."

"I'm sure it will all work out," I say trying to reassure her. I guess this is why brides always freak out. "I guess if you need help you know where I am."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wondered why on Earth I would ever say that. This whole getting out thing must have my brain all messed up.

"Oh thank you so much," She said as she threw herself on to me for a hug. I almost recoiled, not used to human reaction.

"Ok Meggie," Drew said grabbing her shoulders and seeing the look of fright in my eyes. "I actually think that Lauren has to go now."

She laughed and let go of me. "Of course, I'll see you soon I'm sure."

I raised my eyebrows and pursed my lips together.

_Great…._

"It was nice to see you all," I said acknowledging the whole group. They all waved and grunted at me, and I took that as a goodbye.

"Wait up," I heard Drew call after me.

I slowed to let him join me. "Well, that was something."

He caught on to my sarcasm. "Yeah, sometimes they are not the most friendly people."

"Obviously."

"I'm sorry about Meggie too," He sighed. "Sometimes she gets a little more friendly with people than she needs to."

I shrugged.

"That was nice of you to offer to help her with the wedding stuff," He said trying to keep conversation. "I have no clue what to do about that, and she hasn't really made a ton of friends here…"

He kept rattling on and I stopped walking. "Why didn't you tell me about her?"

He looked slightly bewildered. "Oh, because you are so friendly to talk to in the first place?"

I scoffed at him.

"It's not like the first thing that was going to come out of my mouth was, by the way, I'm engaged."

"Ok," I said rolling my eyes. "I get it."

"Why do _you_ care anyway?" He was curious. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with me?"

"I don't."

"Really," He crossed his arms. "Then why are you so defensive?"

"Because you are annoying me," I turned around and began to walk again.

"Or," He said following me. "Could it be the fact that you actually give a damn about me?"

I halted and put my finger to my lips in contemplation. "Nope, that's not it."

He laughed loudly. "Do you always try to cover your feelings with sarcasm?"

"What feelings?" I asked not bothering to look back at him.

He grabbed my arm and flung me around so I was staring right at him. "Look in my eyes and tell me that you could care less about me. Go ahead. Do it."

I yanked my arm out of his hand. "I have nothing to prove to you."

"What are you afraid of Lauren?"

I was silent for a moment and then met his eyes. "I could care less about you."

He took a step back, pierced by my cold-heartedness. "Ok then."

I was almost to my steps when I turned back to him. "I do have one question for you to ponder though."

He didn't say anything, so I continued.

"Why do you care how I feel? You are the one getting married."

I didn't stick around to hear his answer. I ran up the stairs quickly and made my way into the light that shone from the house. When I looked out the slider one last time, I saw that he was still standing their searching for an answer.

~*********~

**Hello lovely readers!**

**I hope that you enjoyed chapter 3. It would be so very nice to get some feedback from you all!! I would like to know how you feel about the new characters and where the story is going. Thank you to my two reviewers 26hannah26 and kbCSINYgirl! I urge you all to read my homepage too, I update it every time I put up a new chapter!**

**Lulu**


	4. Remembering

It seems like my life plays on one continuous loop. The succession is something that I have grown to learn by heart. No matter the day or the hour, it is all the same. Maybe it's the fact that I am back home once again? Or maybe it has something to do with the past I thought I shut away creeping back in. Never the less, the days run into each other. Days turn into weeks, and every single minute passes so slowly. I find myself going on in this monotonous haze. Nothing is the way I wanted it to be before.

I know what you are thinking:

Who is this girl to complain about all of the wonderful things she has had in her life? While that is true, it seems like nothing ever turns out the way you plan. I had so much in store for myself. Yet, here I sit, still trying to piece it all together.

Maybe some things are not meant to be?

I sigh as all of these thoughts run through my head. Just another typical morning for me. I stare into my cereal and watch as the now soggy pieces float on the top looking just as sad and lonely as I feel. As I continue playing with my food, I am caught off guard by the sound of my mom's dog running through the kitchen. Her nails scratch on the floor as she circles around the island that I am sitting at, and she stops for a moment at my feet. Her cold nose tickles my foot and I nearly jump from my chair. "Damnit Sasha!" I yell as I spill the milk all over the counter.

She barks softly and then runs into the living room without a care. I roll my eyes and mumble to myself as I clean up the mess that was made. As much as I love the dog, she is a pain in the ass sometimes.

"You know," Jan says coming down the stairs. "Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

"You would know," I fire back.

She shook her head and went to get a cup of coffee. "Someone is in a never-ending cranky mood."

"Sorry."

"I just wish you would _try_ to be a little bit more happy," She added cream and sugar. "That's all."

"I know," I said leaning on the sink after I put the bowl in it. "We've been over this."

"So why don't you go and hang out with Drew again?" She threw out a suggestion that I knew was coming.

"Because most of his friends are jerks and his fiancée seems to think that we are best friends."

So?" She said not seeing my point.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need any friends."

"Really?" She took a sip from her cup. "It seems to me that you do."

"Mom, I don't."

"What was I thinking?" She said sarcastically. "You have me!"

"Stop."

"Seriously Lauren," She was petting Sasha, who was laying on her back getting the ultimate belly rub. "Just think about it. She seems to be nice."

"Sure."

"Is that a 'yes mother I will do as you ask' or 'I'm just going to ignore you until you leave me alone' kind of answer?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I haven't decided yet."

The dog rolled over and made her way to me now. "Just think about it."

"Always mom," I replied patting Sasha on the head. "Always."

~*********~

Today was my day off, not that it really mattered. So I was free from the throngs of tourists and prying eyes of my mother at work. I usually relished these days, but today was something a little out of the ordinary. I didn't feel like going on my usual path for the day. So I grabbed the ever-growing list of groceries that my mom had on the fridge and decided that I was going to go shopping for her.

This was something that she absolutely hated doing to begin with, so it would be a good deed for her. At the same time, however, it would be something to keep my mind off of the day.

So I make my way to the local market in my mom's car and fiddled around with the radio station until I find something that I can mindlessly sing along to. It always seemed funny to me that even after years and years, I can remember every lyric to a song like _Torn _by Natalie Imbruglia. Oh, the sweet sounds of the 90's.

_I'm torn  
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel  
I'm cold and I am shamed  
lying naked on the floor  
illusion never changed  
into something real  
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

Funny how music always seems to have strange parallels in life. I pull into the parking lot and see that nothing has changed since I was young. Lenox Market looks exactly the same as I remember. From the chipping old green paint, to the small shopping carts that are lined up neatly out front. That must be the beauty of an old town, everything remains just as you left it.

I grab a cart and make my way inside with my list and find that mostly everything on it is snack type foods. That's the thing about me and my mom. We seem to have these strange metabolisms that can devour anything. I think I grew up eating more cheese puffs than apples. Wanna know the real catch, we are both skinny too. Hate if you must, but I guess you can't help genetics.

I cruse up and down the familiar aisles and randomly throw things into the cart. By the time I reach the last few rows, the cart seems to weigh a ton. I am just about to grab a case of my addiction, Coca Cola, when I see someone trying to make their way down where my giant-overfilled cart is blocking. I try, unsuccessfully, to move it out of the way. The person looks annoyed and just barely makes it by. I grab the last of my groceries and continue the trek to the check-out. For some reason, it seems to be a million miles away. So I push the heavy cart slowly, trying to save some energy for the rest of the day.

Just as I am about to make it, someone flings around the corner quickly and crashes right into me. Luckily, my cart comes out unscathed. I cannot say the same for the other persons wimpy cart.

I try to pull myself off the ground when the person speaks to me in a soft voice. "I am so sorry."

I shake my head and try not to be mad. "It's not a big deal."

"Are you sure?" He asks still sounding overly concerned. "Here, let me help you."

He reaches his arms out and I grab a hold of them for support. I brush off my pants and meet his concerned face with a smile, and then suddenly I am taken back about nine years.

"Lauren Southwood?" The recognition floods his features.

"In the flesh," I reply trying to shake off the feeling that I am in high school again. I guess that is another thing about small towns. No matter how old you are, when you run into someone from your past you are thrust back to that time.

"My God," He brings his hand to his head. "I didn't think you really were here."

"Yeah sometimes I don't believe it either."

"Excuse me?" A soccer mom snaps at me. "Are you going to stand their blocking the aisle for the whole day or what?"  
"Sorry," I push my cart away from her and make my way back to the check out.

"Do you want to go grab some coffee?"

I whip my head around and stare into brown eyes the are warm with age now. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Why not?" He asks and gestures to my cart. "You are done and so am I."

I furrow my brow. "You are?"

"I didn't really need those things in the first place," He looks back at his abandoned cart and I crumble.

"You're lucky that I don't have ice cream or anything."

He laughs and I am taken back by how much the sound resonates with my heart. "I'll meet you at the Coffee House in like 10 minutes?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," I paid for my groceries and made my way to the car quickly. The Coffee House was not very far away, but for some reason I wanted to take my time and gather my thoughts.

~*********~

The mystery man from Lenox Market was someone from my past that I never thought I would really see again. Isaac Bridge played a big part of my life in high school, and seeing him again threw me for a moment. I still remember the first time I met him too. I was 14 and impressionable. The only thing getting me through was the thought of getting out of this town.

So when my mom found some of my hidden talents, she decided to run with them. See there are many different facets to me that I try to not show. The only thing I ever wanted to do since I was a kid was sing. I know it doesn't seem like a huge shock, but I was going places with it. I had a different calling then most other people, and that calling was singing. Not just pop music either, classical music.

And Isaac was the one person who taught me all I ever wanted to know about it. He was also the reason I left it.

You see, Isaac was the first person I ever loved.

And in so many different way he made me the person I am today. So let me take you back to a time before I was still finding out who I was. A time before Miami and before Ryan.

A time that made me the woman that I am right now.

~*********~

**Hello all!**

**So I know it's pretty short, but I feel like it is some stuff that needs to be said and done before the next chapter. I hope you are liking where this is going. There are a lot of hidden things about Lauren that we have yet to see and this is a good way to know who she is. No worries, Ryan will still be very, very present. He is going to get his own chapters in between each of the flashbacks that Lauren is telling you about. If you have comments or concerns…now is the time to voice them!!!**

**Lulu**


	5. Empty

Well, now when I say loved…it is not the same kind of love that I had with Ryan.

Do you really think I would put you all through that again?

Isaac and I had more of a father-daughter love than anything. As I'm sure you noticed, there is a very big lack of a father figure in my life. So, naturally, I was crying out for one when I was a teenager. My parents divorced when I was about two years old and I never saw my dad again after that. So when I was 14, it felt like I had found him.

I pulled up to the coffee house and tried to keep my hands from trembling. This was huge. I hadn't spoken to this man since I graduated, and suddenly here he was. The door jingled as I walked through it and I saw Isaac waiting for me in a small booth. He looked about the same as I remembered. The dark hair he had was now speckled with gray, and his brown eyes still had the same wise age to them.

I sat down, trying not to reveal how nervous I was.

But he spoke first, "I can tell this is weird for you."

I made an inaudible noise that even I wasn't sure of. "Yeah."

"I hope you don't feel that this is inappropriate, but it was just kind of crazy to see you after all this time. Plus, I really didn't think that you were going to be here in Michigan."

"Well," I crossed my hands in front of me. "Neither did I really."

"You didn't go to find those big city lights you always dreamed of?" He grinned.

"They were not all I wanted them to be," I said trying to keep my composure.

There was an awkward silence between us, and I tried to think of something to say. There were so many things that just didn't need to be said. Yet, at the same time, they did.

He cleared his throat. "Are you still singing?"

"If you count the shower and occasional tune on the radio, sure."

"That's too bad," He frowned. "You had a lot of talent."

"I found another outlet in college."

"Yeah, I heard that you became a lawyer." He raised his eyebrows. "That's a pretty big jump."

"Not really," I sipped my coffee. "I have always loved the law, and I'm good at other things that do not involve music. I guess I have a good nose for finding out the truth too."

He locked his eyes on me, almost pleading with me not to bring it up.

"I'm sure you remember what I mean."

"Lauren," He sighed. "Please, do we have to talk about this?"

"Why shouldn't we?" I replied. "It's not like we sat down and hashed it out before."

"But you should know that anything that happened was completely unintentional."

"Blah blah," I cut him off. "You never meant to hurt me, right I know. You were always so honest about the whole thing too. Oh, wait, no you weren't."

He ran his hands over his face, not sure what to say.

"Just admit that you got close to me to sleep with my mom."

"It wasn't like that." He said fiercely.

"Sure it wasn't," I said sarcastically. "Then why did I have to find out by walking in on the two of you in her store?"

"Trust me," He was trying to make me see it his way, but my thick headedness wouldn't let me believe him. "Neither of us wanted that."

"But it happened."

"I know it did," He looked down. "And I never got the chance to say that I was sorry. I thought- we thought, that maybe you would be happy."

"If you were open from the beginning, maybe." I replied. "I was naïve and you knew that, and now, so do I."

"I was in love with her," He said speaking freely. "I'm sure you must know what that means."

And there it was, like a shot to the heart.

Of course he had no idea of what I was going through, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Love does make people crazy. I, of all people, should know that. Love makes a sane person act a way they never would consider. How could I blame him? How could I be mad at him for lying to me all of that time? For going behind my back and not telling me what was going on. Sure, I should still harbor this against my mom too…but it was different. For the first time, I had a man in my life that I could count on. And then, I didn't. For so long, I thought that when he just left out of the blue it reaffirmed my faith that you can only count on yourself. But he did the same thing I did. When I was scared, I left. Now, it was too late for me to be with who I wanted.

"It's not too late you know?" I looked up suddenly.

He sighed. "It has been eight years Lauren."

I stared at him blankly.

"Eight years too late."

"But if you still feel that way…"

He cut me off. "I'm not even here to stay."

"What?" I was confused. "Why?"

He calmly responded. "I'm just packing up a few things that were left in my dad's basement and I'm going back to Philadelphia. Besides, I can't just ask your mom to pick up where we left off. It doesn't work that way."

I nodded, trying to take it all in.

He paused for a moment, chewing over the words on his tongue. "How is she?"

"She," I looked him straight in the eyes. "Is happy."

"I'm glad to hear that." He looked like he was in a different time. "And you?"

"I am," I pondered this question thoughtfully. "I am empty."

* * *

Google, I have realized, is a great friend. As I sat in my hotel room trying to figure out where to go from here, I stared at my computer and wondered why I didn't think to try some kind of technology before.

Of course at the time this seemed like a great plan.

I typed Lauren's name into the search bar and all I got was information on her cases, nothing about where she was previously from. There was so much to go through, and after a while my eyes were starting to hurt. I shook off the annoyance and chugged on. There was no time for wasting. I wanted to see her as soon as possible. There was one article from her high school days that gave me a bit to go on.

_Lauren Southwood gave an 'astonishing' performance in the Broadway hit Little Women. Southwood played the lead of Jo in the performance done by Beech Creek high school last Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. _

I stopped reading after I found something solid to go on. I typed Beech Creek high school into the search bar and Google maps pulled up a picture of where it was located. I wrote down the city and area that the school was located. At least now I had something to go on. Lauren's home town was all the way on the other side of the state. It lies on a little section that Lake Michigan carved out of the years.

This was going to take me a couple of day if I were to drive, but if I were to fly I could be there tonight even.

The ache to see her was so bad. I could feel it down to my bones. Sometimes when I was just sitting there it felt like my heart was so full it was going to explode. Why after all this time did it still feel like she was just an inch away from me? Why did it feel like all I had to do is reach out and she would be there?

I was lost in my thoughts and jumped a bit when the phone rang.

I shook my head and answered instinctively. "Wolfe."

"You know it's not necessary to do that when you are not working," The voice on the other line chastised.

"Yeah yeah," I rolled my eyes. "What can I do for you Delko?"

"Well you can stop being a loser and go find Lauren."

"I'm going to ignore that loser crack," I said snidely. "and I am on my way to getting to her actually."

"Then why did she call here today asking for information about you?"

"What kind of information?" I was curious as to why she would do this.

"She wanted to know what we were going to do now that you were gone, and then, get this." He paused slightly. "She asked me if I missed you."

I furrowed my brow. "Ok, first of all, how would she know that I'm gone."

"No idea."

"And why would she ask you that?

"Again." He replied. "No idea."

"Well that is," I shook my head looking for the word. "Weird."

"We all thought the same thing." He yawned. "That is why I figured I should call you and let you know."

"Thanks for the heads up I guess."

"So," He sounded genuinely interested. "What do you plan to say to her?"

"That I don't quite have figured out yet." I sighed. "I mean what is there to say that will even express what I feel?"

"Ok," He said sounding a bit put off by my bluntness.

"Sorry, guess I just have a lot on my mind."

"I can understand why."

"What would you do?" I needed something, anything.

"I honestly can't tell you what to do," He paused. "But I can tell you that this girl loves you more that I would have ever guessed. It killed her when she had to leave."

"I know."

"Do you really? Because if it were me, and the woman I loved was out there somewhere I wouldn't just be sitting around and waiting for the right time to come to waltzing back into her life."

"I just worry about her moving on or not wanting to see me."

"Well," He said in a matter of fact way. "I think you know now, after that call, that is not the case. So, Wolfe, what are you waiting for?"

"I have no clue."

* * *

It was late when I finally decided to go home and face my mom. After talking to Isaac and seeing him off I knew would be hard to see her. He made me promise not to let her know that he was here.

"It would kill her." He said to me with a pain in his eyes that I could relate to.

And he was right. Just the mere thought that the person you love or loved is so close, but at the same time so far, it heartbreaking.

After telling Isaac that I was having a hard time dealing, I broke down and told him what had happened in my life over the past year or so. He sat patiently listening and taking it all in while I poured my heart out on the table that separated us. It still hurt every time I spoke his name aloud. It was like a never-ending thorn in my side, a stabbing pain. I had to hide a few tears, but I knew that he understood.

"So it seems like you just need to let go." He said to me finally.

"Let go." I said it like it was a question.

"You have this weighing on your heart all of the time," He pursed his lips. "Maybe it will help you feel less empty."

"But how can I just do that?" My voice cracked slightly. "How will I let go when I never got to say goodbye or tell him-" I stopped unable to finish and looked down.

"I understand how hard or crazy that might seem," He smiled warmly. "But it will help you heal. You can't hold on forever."

"Is that what you did?" I sucked in a breath. "Did you let go?"

He was silent for a moment. "Yes, eventually."

"Ok then," I said hearing what I wanted from that. "I still have time to get where I need to be."

"But," He held up a finger. "I was suffering for a lot longer than I needed to be."

I didn't say anything for I knew where he was going with this.

"You are so young Lauren," He stressed. "You will love again, I can promise you that."

"Nothing is ever that easy."

"True, but you need to at least try."

I thought carefully about the next question that I wanted to ask. "Have you moved on?"

"From your mother?" He chucked slightly lost in a world I never really knew of. "I did, once."

"And?"

"And sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work out, some people are just meant to be alone. I just might be one of those people. But you," He met my eyes. "You are not and you never will be."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I have seen the woman you've grown to be, and you are just like you mother." He smiled wistfully. "That's how I know."

I shut the slider door quietly as I made my way inside our warm house. I glanced at the clock and it read 1:24 A.M. By now my mom was sure to be asleep. I crept down the hall and made my way to my room. It was just as I left it and I sat on my bed contemplating sleep. Instead I grabbed my old poetry book and decided to flip through it. I used to write a lot when I was younger, but as I got older it seemed to get away from me. There is always so much that my heart has to say, but everything else going on around me speaks first.

Maybe now it was time to listen again.

I grabbed a pen and wrote down a few lines. After reading and re-reading them I decided that this was how I needed to start letting go. I needed to let him live on here in this book. So that whenever I felt like I needed him he would be there. From my night stand I opened the drawer and found my favorite picture of Ryan and me. He was wearing my favorite bright orange shirt, and I had my arms wrapped around him, eyes wide with a toothy grin. He wasn't looking at the camera in this picture though. His eyes were on me, and somehow, I think it made it even more special. I didn't need a photograph to remember the bright color of his eyes, or the way he would get a dimple when he smiled sometimes. When I got what I wanted to say just right, I took the picture and taped it to the page next to the words that came straight from my heart. Isaac was right; as long as I had him somewhere he would always be with me.

That night, I slept for the first time in what felt like forever.

* * *

One of the best things about small towns is how trusting people are. I open the back door of Lauren Southwood and her mother's house without a hitch. It was nicely decorated and very neat. I wasn't really surprised. I made my way down the hall, memorizing everything in sight. The layout was fairly easy, so hopefully it won't be too hard to get this done. For months I knew who it was going to be, but the right opportunity had not arrived. I needed to be careful too. Nothing is worse than getting caught because you make a stupid mistake. So far, I had been doing well. I opened all the doors and found the hall closet, bathroom and then the master bedroom. I took a look around quickly and then made my way to the last bedroom at the end of the hall. I opened the door to Lauren's room and found what I expected.

This was a typical girl's room, and it obviously hadn't changed a lot since she was younger. The bed was unmade and the nightstand drawer was opened slightly. Curious, I looked inside and pulled out and old book that looked pretty worn over the years. I sat down on the bed and began skimming through it. Poetry mostly, and some of it was fairly decent. I got to the last page and what was written stuck me:

_I swim, but not too far. _

_The tide is rising. _

_I seek a heart that knows._

_Some things surprise me._

_I know, there's no one in this world for me but you. _

_And still I wonder. _

_I laugh, but no to loud._

_The sound is deafening_

_I run, but not too fast._

_My legs are aching _

_I know, there's no one in this world for me but you. _

_And still I wonder. _

_What would my life be? _

_Empty. _

On the next page I see the man who Lauren was so torn up over, and in this picture she looks truly happy. Enraged, I close the book and put it back where I found it. Maybe tonight will be the night. I glance down at my watch; my lunch break will be over soon.

I would hate to keep the little art supply shop owners waiting.

* * *

**I am sorry for how long it has taken me, I don't even know if you guys even read this anymore...but I am going to finish it regardless. I have just been so busy with life that I forgot about my story. I hope you like this one, and I hope you all want to keep reading. Reviews would be much appreciated! **

**XOXO**

**Lulu**


	6. Sink or Swim

There was a spring in my step this morning, and the only thing that I could attribute it to was getting my feelings out. Of course, there was still a lot I had to work through.

But hey, this is a good start.

I opened the shop and waited until Jan got here. The silence was deafening as the minutes began to fly by. It seems that sometimes all you need is a good mood to make the day go by faster. Before I knew it, we were chatting with our customers and putting out new pictures when needed. Today was Drew's day off, so I was back to doing all of the old odd jobs I used to have. In a way, it made me see how much it was nice to have someone else to pick up the slack. At the same time, however, I was kind of glad to out from under his gaze. Sometimes, I felt as though he would just look at me and try to discern all the answers I kept hidden.

I have never been an open book. I have always kept everything locked away in a tight and unbreakable exterior. All of his chipping was not going to get him anywhere. I put up these walls years ago, and there was no way they were going to fall down. He was a strange guy. There was no denying that. I mean, who tries to hit on a girl when he is engaged?

Or maybe he wasn't hitting on me?

I shook my head; there was no reason for me to fret over this. It didn't matter anyway. He was just another presence in my life that I had to move around. The facts were simple, and the only person I had to rely on was my mom. I looked over to where she was trying to explain a sculpture to a customer and smiled. She had so many things that I always wanted when I was younger. Her long hair always seemed to have a life of its own, and I was always jealous of her tan skin. Compared to my fair complexion, her ultra-bronze was something I longed for. Not to mention the fact that I always had to lather up with sun block when I was going outside.

It's funny when you look back; all of those things were physical. I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and see her in my every little feature. She was me, and I was her. For so long, I aspired to be her. As it turns out, that's who I am. She taught me everything I know, and I have her to thank for that. She has always been the driving force behind my life and my goals. She is the reason I am as strong as I am.

I stack a couple boxes on top of each other and make my way out into the store room. The sale my mom was trying to make didn't really go the way she wanted. She was watching the gray haired woman leave the store and turned around to greet me with an exasperated sigh.

"Why is it, that no matter how hard I try," She ran her hands through her long braid. "People will never understand art?"

"You're preaching to the choir," I replied setting the boxes down. "You wanna try explaining music to people? I bet that's more fun."

She raised her eyebrows and then broke into a smile. "I bet you're right."

"I learned from the best," I said without missing a beat.

She walked around the counter and grabbed some of the postcards from the box I was unloading. She was lost in thought for a moment and I could see her working over what she was thinking. I worked silently beside her and let the silence surround us. We were always slow during lunch time. No one was really interested in coming to an art shop over their lunch break.

"Ok," She put the cards in her hand down. "I don't want to complain, but what's with you?"

"I'm letting go," I said simply.

"Letting go?" She mused. "That doesn't really sound like you."

"Well, I realized that I can't continue carrying this," I motioned gaping whole near my heart. "I am still young enough to move on from this."

"That's very true."

I nodded.

"Who have you been talking to?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "They sound an awful lot like me."

"What," I crossed my arms. "I can't just come to realizations on my own?"

"No, not ones like that."

I rolled my eyes at her sarcasm. "Har har Jan."

"Well," She sighed slightly. "I'm glad that you are feeling a little better. I have to admit, I was worried about you."

"I know."

"Well, as long as you know." She looked down into her hands.

"Mom," I paused trying to choose my words carefully as she looked at me questioningly. "Do you miss him?"

"Do I miss who?"

I gulped. "Isaac."

She seemed taken aback by my sudden question about someone whom we haven't spoken of in years. She was struggling to find an answer when the bell on the door jingled.

All I saw was blonde hair because this woman was moving so fast it was hard to discern anything about her. She rushed to the back room quickly and my mom and I shared a confused glance. Just as quickly as she entered she was out and making her way to us. The closer she got the more recognizable she became. Once I saw what she was wearing I knew that she was Drew's fiancée Meggie.

I groaned.

_Great. _

Unaware of whom this seemingly insane woman was my mother stepped up to her. "Can we help you miss?"

"Yes," She sounded frantic. "I'm looking for Drew. Why isn't he here?"

"It's his day off Meggie," I replied from where I was standing at the counter.

"Day off," Her eyes were blank. "Why didn't he tell me? I was afraid he forgot his lunch so I knew I better bring it to him."

I glanced at her hands and sure enough there was a brown paper bag that she was clutching onto.

"I'm sure he just forgot to tell you." I looked at my mom and saw the confusion written on her face. She had a right to be, I mean, it's not like I've been getting out much. "Mom, this is Drew's fiancée Meggie."

They shook hands quickly and I could tell that something still wasn't right. The last time I saw Meggie she seemed like the happiest person on the planet. Now, she was tearing apart at the seams. Her clothes were all disheveled and her usually shining green eyes were devoid of emotion. Was this really what love did to people? Or maybe just to some of them? It seems like Drew is the strong one in their relationship, and without him she was lost. Faced with something that I couldn't and didn't want to accept, I tried to push the coming thought out of my mind. No matter how hard I tried it came anyway.

Was this who I was?

Was I this torn mess of a person clinging to what she once knew? Trying to fit the pieces back together once they were in disarray? I stood there shocked at my own revelation of what I must have looked like to the world. The emptiness was starting to creep back in.

My mom, always level headed, was trying to figure out what exactly was wrong. The only part I catch is engagement off and then I realize why she is this way.

"-I don't know anymore," I listen intently to what she has to say now. "It's like I woke up one day and he was a completely different person. All the things I thought I knew were changing and he was saying things that just didn't make any sense. He is out till all hours of the night. I'm not sure where he goes. It's starting to scare me."

"Well," I try to jump in. "Are you sure he isn't working?"

She shakes her head. "Positive."

My mom glances at me quickly.

Unsure of what to do in a situation like this I stay silent. What can I say? They were only together for six months. Sometimes people are not who you think they are, and getting married that early is never a good idea.

_You only knew Ryan for eight months…_

My subconscious attacks the thought I just had and I try to ignore it. That was different. I'm sure of it. It's not like he proposed or anything anyway.

"When was the last time you saw him?" I hear Jan ask.

"I don't know," She replies thinking it over. "He left last night around seven or so."

"I'm sure there is nothing to worry about," The sound of my own voice startles even me. "You are probably just worry about nothing."

She looks at me unsure. "Maybe, we have both been kind of stressed lately."

"I bet." I reply. "Just go home, I'm sure he will be back before you know it."

She stands up nodding. "You're right. I'm overreacting."

I smile. "If we see him we will tell him where to find you."

She makes her way to the door woodenly and leaves without looking back.

When she is out of eye sight I go grab my coat and purse and start to put them on. There is only one way to get down to the bottom of this. I have to find Drew. He will tell me what is going on.

"Where are you going?" Jan asks me.

"I have to find him mom," I look at her straight in the eyes. "I think I know where he is, and I think he will talk to me."

"You are just going to drive around looking for him?"

"No one said anything about driving."

"Right." She nods and purses her lips together not happy with my decision.

I pause at the door and make my way back to her. I throw my arms around her and hug her close, feeling her do the same to me. It is a rare moment between the two of us, but for that reason it means more.

"Just be careful," She says strictly. "I'll be waiting for you when you get home."

"I know mom."

And with that I make my way out the door to find some answers not for Meggie, but for myself.

* * *

I climb up the tallest dune at the beach that sits on the mouth of Lake Michigan. When we were younger, this was where all the parties used to happen. We would pick this dune so that no one down below would be able to see us from where we were. That was what everyone told us the reason was, but I knew that it was because it was such a great place to just lose yourself. The sky seemed endless and the water seemed to glow black. If Drew was anywhere, he was here.

I started up and the sand rushed into my shoes. Twilight was ebbing on the sky and the light was fading fast. I needed to make my way up before it was completely dark. The dune grass thrashed my legs as I walked through it carelessly. Checking the sky, I continued up. The sun was falling and I could already see the shadow from the moon. I tripped over a piece of beach wood and lost my balance for a moment. I sighed, wiped my forehead and continued. The top of the dune was in sight now, but there seemed to be nothing on top of it. I pushed through the last patch of grass and found an open spot that was worn away from many years of beach goers. I was getting close. I struggled up the steep hill and then, just as I broke through the old path, I smelled smoke. I looked up into the night sky to try and find where it was coming from.

A funnel of smoke was coming from just to the left of me, so I shifted my path and moved quickly to the source. Through some dying flowers I could see the orange from the fire and a dark figure beyond it. Unaware of my presence, he just sat there. I made my way around the fire to his side and sat down.

He didn't say anything for a while. The two of us just sat watching the crackle of the fire and the sparks that would fly off every now and then.

"How did you know I was going to be here?" He was still staring at the blaze.

"I just knew that this is where you used to come to think," I turned to him. "How did you know I was going to come?"

"I just knew." He met my gaze and there was a whole world swimming in his eyes.

Concerned, I reached out to his arm. "Drew, what is going on?"

"Either I'm completely crazy or she is," He paused. "Whichever way, it's not good."

"What do you mean?"

"She will do these little things like be jealous of everyone I talk to. I try to explain and she yells and yells. She can't handle being alone and needs me there every second. I just need space sometimes." He sighs and crosses his arms on his knees. "And then, she will just disappear. Not for hours, but for the whole day. When I ask her, she refuses to answer. She tells me that I am the one to goes away. What am I supposed to believe?" Confusion covers his features and I too don't know what to believe.

"I can't marry her, I just can't. I didn't even want to propose in the first place."

"What?" I say shocked.

"She basically gave me an ultimatum. I had to propose or she was going to leave and never come back. I didn't want her to leave. I thought." He pauses. "I thought I loved her."

"You don't love her?"

"How can I love that?" He shakes his head. "How can I love what she's become?"

"She came to the shop looking for you," I say lightly.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with her."

"She looked awful and was saying that you were the one who was disappearing," I pulled my jacket on, feeling the breeze from the lake. "She was clinging to this lunch she said she made for you."

"Lunch?" He interjected. "She has _never_ made me a lunch."

I shrug. "It was pretty strange."

He ran his hands over his face. "I just don't know what to do."

"I can't tell you."

"Well," He says delicately. "What did you do?"

I froze. "What do you mean?"

"When you left, what did you do?"

"That was a different situation," I breathe deeply. "First of all we were not engaged."

"I know," He frowns. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I know how painful it is to talk about someone you love."

"Loved." I correct and then look at him square in the eye.

I watch it sink in and he immediately goes silent. Then without a second thought he wraps his arms around me and brings me close to him. Cold, I welcome the warmth. Yet, part of me wonders if I am welcoming it for a different reason.

"I am more sorry than you could ever know Lauren," He talks into my hair and smoothes it back.

"Drew," I pull back from him. "That's not the reason I left.

He looks confused and starts to speak, but I stop him.

"I didn't find out that he was," I struggle to get the word out. "Gone, until after I left. That kills me every day. Not being able to see him one more time." I feel tears start to well up in my eyes. "I was selfish and stupid and now his is gone. You wanna know why I left? I was afraid. Stupid isn't it? I was so afraid of falling in love and then when I had it starring me right in the face I turned my back on it. I walked away, and now it's too late." A tear streaks down my cheek and I try in vain to wipe it away.

"Lauren," Drew says softly beside me. "That is not stupid and I think that he probably understood. He knew that you cared, believe me. There is no way he would forget one minute with you or one word you said." He wiped a tear away and cradled my face in his hand. "Trust me on this."

I nodded trying to believe him. Some wounds were so hard to close. I knew that I was going to carry this one with me forever. Even though with each passing day it became easier, sometimes the pain would just creep up on me.

"So," I said regaining my composer. "What exactly are you going to do?"

"I think," He mused for a moment. "I think that I have to be honest with her. I can't just lie about what I want and who I want to be with. She is not the person for me. I know that now and I think that I knew that then."

"Good for you."

"I'll tell her tomorrow."

I shivered and he held out his jacket for me. I slipped inside it and without a second thought he wrapped his arm around me trying to warm me up. He left it there and I didn't mind.

"Thank you for finding me up here," He said softly.

"You're kind of easy to find."

He chuckled. "Yeah?

I smiled at him. "Yeah."

"Well, I would say the same about you too, but it wouldn't be true." He turned to me. "You are something else Lauren."

"Funny," I look down. "You used to say that in high school too."

"I meant it then too," He cocked his head. "But it was never a bad thing."

I furrowed my brow and glanced at him. "I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"I mean that you were beautiful then and you are even more beautiful now."

I was struck by what he said. Never in a million years would I have thought that in high school he said I was beautiful. "Are you sure you are feeling ok?"

"I am positive."

"Wow," I took in a breath. "I'm not sure what to say."

"I don't expect you to say anything," His eyes were fierce. "Can I just-"

He trailed off and his eyes just lingered on mine. My heart was beating fast and suddenly I was in high school again. I was the nerdy girl with the popular guy. He leaned in and I just froze in place. I knew what was coming, but I didn't stop it. Just as his lips we about to land on mine, he turned slightly and kissed me tenderly on the cheek.

"Just let me know when you are ready," He whispered in my ear. "I would love to show you that there is nothing to be afraid of, but I don't want you to jump before you know you can swim." He kissed me again on the cheek and I closed my eyes.

My head was reeling, but not with thoughts of him. It was not his eyes that were haunting me when I closed mine. It was not his smile that I saw staring back at me. It was not his sandy blonde hair. Ryan's face was smiling back at me and I was in his arms again. He was holding me close, and keeping me warm on this cool summer night. I didn't know if I was ever going to be ready to swim again.

Sink or swim. I knew either way that it was going to be with Ryan, and never with anyone else.

* * *

**I hope you all enjoyed this one! Let me know your thoughts! I miss all of your musings in my reviews!**

**XOXO**

**Lulu**


	7. A Whisper

We sat by the fire until it started to die out, not really sure of what to say to each other. There was something so beautiful about the silence around us. I could hear the wind whisper in the trees and the waves lap against the shore. It was one of my favorite kind of nights. I glanced down at my watch and see that more time has passed than I thought.

"Drew," I said my voice breaking slightly. "It's getting late."

He turned to me slowly and nods, keeping his silent composer. He put the fire out with ease and then reached down for my hand. He took it gently in his and lifts me to my feet.

"Lauren," He pauses. "Thank you again. I needed this."

I smile at him, not really sure what to say.

"Plus, it was nice to actually have a conversation with you." He quips.

"I thought you really liked my sarcasm?" I feign being hurt.

He rolls his eyes at me and walks ahead of me a bit. His pace is a lot faster than mine, and going downhill it is always hard to do on these dunes.

"Hey," I yell at him. "Wait up!"

He turns around and walks backwards waiting for me to catch up with him. I reach him a bit out of breath.

"It's not fair for you to do that ya know." I say. "Consider how much taller you are than me."

His lips turn down into a slight frown, "Well, I'm so sorry miss."

He stretches out his arm for me to grab on to. "I shall guide you."

I laugh at his ridiculous tone and take hold of him. We run down the rest of the dune together leaving a fury of upturned sand in our wake. Once we reach the bottom we are covered in sand from head to toe. I can feel the grains in my hair and under my nails. I tear off the jackets I'm wearing and give him a quick grin as I take off for the water.

"Are you crazy?" He yells at my back. "It's freezing out!"

I ignore him and continue toward the rolling waves. The water seems to be almost calling out to me as I dive beneath the black surface. I feel the chill as it hits my skin, but it's actually warmer than expected. I swim out to the sandbar and run my hands through my hair as I take another dip under. I feel like the water is bathing me clean of all that has happened today. The kiss that Drew gave me was so unexpected and I could still feel it burn hot on my cheek. I wished the cool water would dull it. I never thought that someone like him would even consider being with me, but here we were. I shook my head and let the water flow around me. No matter what happened, Ryan would always still be in the back of my mind. There was no way that I was going to be able to look at someone else that way. No when I wasn't over him. Let's face it, who knows if I'll _ever_ be over him. A wave came by and scooped me up, bringing me out farther into the Great Lake. I still remember times when I was little when I would wish that I could be a mermaid in this lake. I would swim as far out as my arms and legs would take me and pray to the sea gods to take me up in them and become a beautiful creature. I wanted to be one of the waves that got to play with the shore and the people who came to swim in the vast blue. Of course, I knew that it was wishful thinking. Some girls want to be princesses; I wanted to be a mermaid.

I make my way back toward the shore, riding the waves on the way back. As soon as I hit the air I feel the chill and start wishing that I would have thought this out better. I see my coat lying on the sand, but don't see Drew. I look around trying to see if he is out in the water, but the moonlight doesn't give much light tonight. I call out for him and get no response. He doesn't seem to be anywhere on the beach.

"Must have gotten sick of waiting," I say to myself as I make my way toward the old wooden stairs.

I walk down the silent streets and hope that my mom isn't too worried about me. By now she will most likely be asleep. Still though, I know how she is. I see no lights on as I reach the back slider of my house and feel bad about not calling. Maybe I'll make her French toast in the morning and make it up to her.

I slide the door open and it groans slightly. I shut it as quietly as possible and flick the light on. I peel my jacket off and sling it over the nearest chair. I'm about to make my way to the shower when I hear the dog making a weird noise in my mom's room.

"Sasha," I say as I open the door. "Do you have to go potty?"

She is standing by the foot of the bed whimpering and trying to get up. I frown, not sure why my mom would have her on the floor. I beckon to her, but she does not come. She is frozen in place whining.

I sigh and walk over toward her, but she barks at me.

"It's me," I say. "Calm down."

She continues to bark and growl at me. Nothing seems to calm her down.

I turn on the light and hope that maybe that will help. I hope that it doesn't bother my mom, but she doesn't seem to be disturbed by it. I pick up Sasha and go to bring her to my mom. She is shaking and my petting seems to be doing nothing. I bring her toward my mom and as I go to set her down I notice that something isn't right.

"Mom?" I whisper.

She doesn't answer.

"Mom?" I say louder this time.

Still no response.

I lean down to shake her and she is ice cold. I grab hold of her and try not to let myself jump to conclusions. I try to feel for something, anything that will show me that she is ok. She just lies there motionless and I don't know what to do. I try to feel for a pulse, but there is nothing. She is just still. I stretch my arms out and try to wrap her up in me. Tears well in my eyes as I hold her close to me.

"Please wake up, please." I mutter trying not to lose it completely. "I need you mom, please." I put my head in my hands and the tears keep coming. I grab the phone from the nightstand and dial 911.

When the operator answers I am barely able to tell her what is wrong. I am crying so hard that my words don't seem to be forming any sentences. She tells me that she will send somebody to the scene right away and I hang up still lost. I look back at my mother's body lying on her bed and she looks so peaceful. It's hard to believe that something is wrong. I grab the dog and leave the room. The sight of her there will be imprinted in my memory forever; there is no need to have it burn for longer.

The cops are there in less than five minutes and I lead them into the room where she is. Soon, my house is crawling will coroners and detectives. It feels like I'm in a dream when they ask me if she had any health problems or had been feeling down recently.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I am exhausted with these questions. "She was happy, and no she wasn't sick. And no matter how many times you ask me it's not going to change."

"We understand you are upset miss," The lead detective says.

"Of course I'm upset!" I shout. "I just found my mother dead!"

"We just have a few more questions to ask you if that's alright," He takes out a note pad and a pen.

I sigh, realizing they are just going to keep asking me the same things until they get some kind of answer that makes sense. I'm still not sure how to answer though, because none of this even makes sense to me.

* * *

The road curved around the dunes that led to the lake and I saw the town of Beech Wood for the first time. It was a small, sleepy looking town, but that might have something to do with the hour. As soon as I got off the phone with Delko, I got on a plane that brought me as close to here as I could get. I drove into the night and with the help of a much needed map, I made it here pretty quickly. I passed the high dunes and made my way down what I was assuming was the main road, which of course was Beech Creek. I saw Jan's shop and kept driving past it until I found a phone booth. I stopped by the side of the road and scanned the phone book until I found her address. My heart was beating wildly in my chest when I saw her name neatly printed on the thin paper. I wrote the address down on my hand quickly and began to navigate through the streets.

Most of the roads were pretty easy to understand, but take one wrong turn and you would end up right back at the town center. I wondered if anyone even found it useful to own a car in this town. I finally found her street and made my way slowly down it, keeping my eyes peeled for the address. At the end of the block, I could see that there were the tell-tale signs of cop cars.

"I guess even small towns have crime," I mused out loud.

The numbers were getting smaller and I knew I was getting closer. I stopped at the end of the street near the cop cars and coroners van. Getting out of the car, I searched the nearby houses and found that the house I was looking for was the very house that all the cars were at now. Without even thinking I rushed up the front stairs toward the open door. My mind was racing and the only thing I could think of was Lauren. She was in this house and I wouldn't lose her now.

_Not now._

When I reached the top step an officer tried to stop me, but I fought him still trying to make my way inside.

"Sir, sir," He was pushing me back. "You can't go in there. This is a crime scene."

"I don't care if this is a god damn crime scene," I yelled in his face. "You have to let me in there."

"We're going to need some security," He said into his walkie talkie.

I shoved my way past him and got into the living room. My eyes were frantically searching for her face. I just needed to see her. She had to be here.

And there she was, sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket, hair soaking wet, eyes red and puffy. She still looked beautiful in spite of it all. I took her in for a minute before she noticed that someone was watching her. Her brown eyes met mine and were as wide as saucers. Her mouth fell open and the man questioning her turned around to see that I was standing there.

"Who is this man?" He gestured toward me. "Get him out of here."

None of that mattered to either of us; we were glued to each other. She was staring at me with a sort of unbelief. I locked my eyes on her and felt my heart leap into my chest as she stood up and walked toward me.

"Ryan?" Her voice was wistful and quiet, almost like she had barely spoken.

I took a step closer to her and she didn't move. I smiled at her and brought my hand to her cheek to stroke it gently.

"Lauren." I whispered back.

And with that, just like her first day in the crime lab, she fainted into my arms.


	8. Alive

I heard sirens.

They seemed to be so far away, but still loud. People were shouting and machines were beeping in a monotonous fashion. My head was heavy and my arms felt like they were being weighed down. I tried to open my eyes, but my vision was hazy. The world was a fog. I returned to the darkness and tried to remember where I was and what happened.

Pictured flashed through my brain and the memories all came flooding back. There was my mom lying motionlessly on her bed, the feel of her cold skin against my hands, and the wetness against my cheeks. Then, police swarming my house. Question after question being thrown at me, and I was just sitting there drained of emotions.

But there was something else there too; something that I couldn't quite place amongst all of others, a face that stood out of the crowd of people. A face I knew upside down. I knew every freckle and every wrinkle.

I tried to open my eyes again, and had a little bit more luck this time. My vision was still cloudy, but I could make out the figures standing over me. There were two of them and they seemed oblivious to the fact that I had woken. I shielded the light from my eyes and tried to sit up. This got their attention.

"Whoa there," The man sitting on my right said. "You really shouldn't be doing that right now. You took a little bit of a tumble."

"I'm fine." I said trying to unhook myself from the tubes that were hooked to me. "I would really just like to go home."

"We are almost to the hospital," He said with a smile. "We just want to have you looked at that's all."

I sighed and laid my head back down on the stretcher behind me. I covered my face with my hands and waited until the ambulance stopped to sit up again. The speed was making me a little queasy. We reached the hospital and they put me in a wheel chair, even after I protested. This was just silly. I was fine. We made our way into the middle of the emergency room, which was a bit busy considering the size our out town. I was left to sit on a small bed that had the typical hospital curtains hanging around it. I tried not to look at any of the other patients, but considering how close together we all were that was difficult. Most of the people here were worse off than I was. A couple sitting across the way were sitting anxiously waiting to be moved to a room. The woman was very pregnant and it looked like she was going to give birth right here.

I sat quietly and tried not to think about the events that happened tonight. My mind was so scattered. I kept seeing my mom's face and before I knew it the tears started up again.

"Alright Lauren," The curtain was pulled open wider and a man in a white coat was standing in front of me holding a clipboard.

I did my best to wipe the tears from my face, but I knew that it was still pretty obvious.

He gave me a kind smile. "I understand that this has been a tough night for you, but we just want to make sure that you are ok. It's just a precaution."

"Yeah, they kinda told me that already." My voice sounded weak.

"Good," He wrote something down and then met my gaze. "Can you tell me what happened?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm honestly not sure. This is only the second time that anything like this has ever happened to me."

"Hmm," He was still writing. "When was this other time?"

"About eight months ago I would say, but it was in Miami."

He nodded. "And you just collapsed there too? Were you feeling dizzy or disoriented in any way?"

I shook my head.

"Anything like that tonight?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Well, I'm going to have one of our nurses come in and take your blood pressure." He took a step closer and put a hand on my shoulder. "I really am very sorry you hear about your mom. She was such a wonderful woman."

A tear escaped down my cheek silently, and with that he left the room.

I didn't have to wait long for the nurse to come in. Not even three minutes after he left someone was pulling the curtain back again. I was surprised to see that it was Meggie standing in front of me, and I'm sure that it showed on my face.

"Oh Lauren," She pulled me into an unexpected hug and I tentatively patted her on the back. "I heard what happened. I just can't believe it."

"Yeah me either," I said lowly.

"If you need anything," She said while wrapping my arm to check my blood pressure. "Just ask."

She put the cold stethoscope on the crook of my elbow and counted my heart beats while she applied pressure. It hurt more than I expected, but at this point feeling something, anything, was a good sign.

She frowned as she wrapped it back around her neck. As she wrote the number down, I wondered why she seemed so different now than she had earlier today. Frankly, she was a mess when I first saw her. Now she was calm and collected. It didn't really make much sense, unless she and Drew talked it out. That seemed unlikely considering the conversation we had by the fire today. I glanced down at her ring finger and noticed that she was still wearing an engagement ring.

She caught my glance and looked up at me smiling. "I think we might need to do some blood work."

"Why?"

"Your pulse was just a little high, nothing to really worry about."

"Then why do we need to do blood work?"

She laughed. "Protocol silly."

"Look Meggie," I said clearly annoyed. "This has been probably the worst day of my life. I would like to just go home and sleep until the end of time. I really don't care about protocol or anything else. My patience's is really running thin here."

She slammed down her clipboard and for a moment I was sure she was going to hit me. Instead she walked out of the room in a huff. I pulled my jacket back on and stood up when she came back into the room quickly. I went to apologize when she roughly grabbed my hand and pricked me on the pointer finger quickly.

"Ouch!" I brought my finger to my lips as a force of habit.

"There," She said not sounding as sunny as she did before. "Was that so hard?"

I glared at her slightly off-put by her sudden outburst. I left the room quickly and walked down the busy hallway toward the main entrance. Near the door, I spotted the detective who was questioning me at my house. As he made his way toward me I had a feeling that something was wrong. Something was written on his face, and I didn't know quite what. Somewhere inside of me though, I knew it was bad.

"Lauren," He said addressing me more causally than before. "There is something that you need to know."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Ok."

"You might want to sit down," He suggested.

I sat nervously, feeling the pit grow in my stomach. I knew it, something really is wrong. I've already lost everything. What else was there to take from me?

"After you left to come here," He started. "Our M.E. did the precursory examination and found something." He paused and looked at me sadly. "Lauren, your mother was murdered. 100% no question about it."

I was frozen.

I had no words.

Who would want to kill her? She had never done anything to anyone. I ran my hands through my hair and could smell the lake still on my skin. How could this be?

He watched me closely and was about to speak when I cut him off.

"How?" I said suddenly looking up.

"She was strangled. It looks like with something similar to a belt, or maybe rope." He replied.

"Strangled," I repeated breathlessly.

"I thought you would want to know," He said toughing my hand and bringing me back to reality. "What with your background and all."

"Yes," I nodded. "Thank you."

Even though I have known this man since I was a child he seemed to be a stranger to me. His gesture of comfort did nothing to reassure me. It only set me more on edge and made me see how truly alone I was now. I had no one in the world. I lost my mother and my best friend.

"Mark, I just want to go home."

"Right, I understand." He said standing up and walking with me out into the night.

* * *

I walked up the stairs to my front door because I couldn't bare to use the slider again. It just reminded me of everything that happened again. Once I was inside, I saw that everything was a mess. I didn't have the energy to clean it up or to really even care about it. I grabbed the dog up in my arms and hugged her close to me as she whimpered.

"I know," I cooed. "I miss her too."

Everywhere I looked, she was there. Her presences, her scent, and I knew that I just couldn't stay here. Not when everything was so utterly her. I was never going to be able to stay here. All of the memories that we had together we etched into this place like a second foundation. She was my rock that grounded me. Now that she was gone, I floated high in the sky with no one to pull me back down to Earth.

I sighed to myself as opened the door to her bedroom and saw the crime scene tape blocking off the door. I wanted to rip it down and walk in there. There was no use though. If they still had to process the scene I didn't want to hinder that. I walked over to the window that overlooked the tall dune grass and lake hiding behind it. The moon was still high in the sky and it was giving off more light now than it was previously.

I saw what looked like the outline of a figure standing out near the edge of the water, but it could be that my eyes were playing tricks on me. I stared at the slider door for a moment before opening it with a groan. I walked down the long set of wood stairs and kept my eyes trained on the figure that I was sure was there now. The wind picked up, so I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body. The broad shoulders were a tell-tale sign that it was a man, but beyond that I couldn't tell anything about him. I picked up my pace and soon I was standing at his back.

"Hello?" I said meekly.

He didn't turn, he just stood there lifelessly. I went to reach out to him when he suddenly turned around to face me. He had a hood covering his face, and in the darkness I couldn't see any features.

"Who are you?" I yelled into the wind. The sound of the waves was deafening in my ears and I could barely hear him when he was speaking. At the same time though, I heard every word clearly.

"Come with me."

Not really knowing why, I followed. Something was drawing me toward him. I followed him as he walked down a length of the beach. His movements were so precise and almost beautiful in a way. It was like he was dancing on the wind. Even with his back turned to me I could tell that he was special. There was something about him. I longed to know him.

"Please tell me who you are," I begged.

He stopped in place and turned to me, arm stretched to me. He was holding something in his hand, something gold. He set it gently in mine and I turned it over to see that it was familiar looking, very familiar.

I looked up at him eyes wide in wonder. "Where did you get this?"

The man was silent and turned his back to me again. He continued walking and not knowing what else to do, I followed. He seemed to be taking me into town, but I didn't understand. Who was he? Where did he get Ryan's badge? Why was he leading me here?

"Soon you will understand," He said as though he could hear my thoughts. He didn't turn back. He just kept on his path.

"I want to understand now!" I screamed at him, frustrated with all this cryptic bull shit. "Tell me!"

In an instant, I was engulfed in light and the sun was out. Confused, I looked around to see that I was standing outside of the small motel just down the road from the town hall. The man was no longer in front of me. I was alone. Frightened by the sudden change, I searched for a sign that someone was here. I yelled out, but it seemed as though no one was here to listen.

And then, as I turned around toward the motel he was there. Something was different though. He wasn't dressed in the same black clothes as before. He had no hood covering his face. He was light and beautiful, and when he finally turned to face me I drew in a breath,

He was Ryan.

I gaped at him, not believing what I saw to be real. He smiled at me, my favorite smile. But how did he know? This was not real. It couldn't be real. Yet, he continued to walk toward me with his loving eyes staring at me.

I shook my head trying to understand. "Ryan?" My voice was so quiet I barely recognized it to be my own.

He moved closer still and brought his hand to caress my cheek. "Lauren." He continued to smile and brought his lips down upon mine.

* * *

I awoke with a start, and pushed the blankets that were covering me onto the floor. I buried my head in my hands and tried to think about the strange dream that I had just had. What the hell could it mean? Why tonight of all nights would I dream of Ryan? I sat up on the couch and tried to gleam some meaning from it. A hooded black figure with his badge and then me standing in the middle of town with him, there was no sense in that. I stretched out my neck that was feeling a bit sore from my uneasy night.

When did I start losing all of my senses? Even my dreams were trying to send me in a direction that I didn't know the answer to. If anything, it was an unfair trick. Like giving me hope that he was here somehow and would just coming running to my side when I needed him. Nothing in life was that easy. I shook my head. I needed to clear my mind, now more than ever. I changed my clothes quickly and put a lease on Sasha.

"Wanna go for a walk?" I asked her as I slipped it around her neck. She barked happily and spun around in a circle in anticipation. I took her on nearly the same route as the one in my dream, hoping that maybe something would jog a memory or a feeling. So far, I was getting nothing though.

The sky was a strange gray color, and the waves were choppy in the high wind. The beach was nearly empty, which always happened when fall was on the horizon. It seemed like so long since I was able to see the seasons change, and it reminded me of how much I missed seeing the trees turn their beautiful reds and oranges. We were halfway into town when I noticed that mostly all of the tourists had left for the season. It was almost a ghost town at the small motel, except for a few cars.

I walked up the hill and was standing in the middle of the street for a moment looking for some signs of life. It was strangely similar to my dream, which was a bit freaky. I started at the motel and made my way toward it slowly.

I sighed to myself. "I can't believe I'm going to do this." The rational part of me screamed that this was insane, but I couldn't help but listen to small voice inside that said _go._

I tied up Sasha to the newspaper stand and she sat their quietly. I gave her a quick pat on the head and made my way toward the office. It was a quant place. Not too fancy and just one story. It was painted a green color when I was a child, setting it apart from the Comfort Inn that was further away. The awning was still white and it still had the same Coca Cola machine that never worked right. I stood in front of the door that said office and the door jingled as I pulled it open.

Startled by my presence, the old man sitting at the desk coughed violently. While he tried to regain the ability to speak I waited silently. My eyes wandered to the small TV the he was watching. The local news anchor, who was a girl I went to high school with, was letting the rest of the public know about my mother's murder. I felt green and turned away quickly trying to keep the bile down.

He cleared his throat. "What can I do for you?"

Glad for the distraction I smiled at him the best I could. "I was hoping you could tell me if someone was staying here?"

"Well," He started in a long drawl. "We don't really have that many guests right now. End of the season you know."

"Yes, I know."

"Ok then." He opened up his guest ledger and then peered at me over his glasses. "Do you have a name or do I have to guess?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He must not know who I am, but considering he watches the news and has lived in this town forever how could he not?

"It's Ryan Wolfe." I said in the nicest voice I could muster.

He looked through the pages of his book and after what felt like forever he looked back at me. "Is this some kind of a trick?"

"No, why would I ask you for help if I was trying to trick you?"

"I've never had someone with that name here."

I closed my eyes and tried to even my rapidly beating heart. "Thank you."

I left before he could get another word in. Why did I come here? How foolish to think that dream actually meant something. I untied the dog and made my way home trying to ignore the cold wind that was causing my cheeks to turn red. I welcomed the warmth of my house and decided that I couldn't let it look like this forever. I needed to pick up all the pieces that were left and move on to some kind of life.

After getting the living room looking in some kind of order, I looked around and felt some comfort in seeing it look the way I remembered. Letting my hair down from my messy bun, I still smelled the lake water. As I was making my way toward the bathroom, the doorbell rang. I contemplated not answering it. I hung my head as I thought about all of the people it could be. Not answering could mean a roadblock in my mom's case, or evidence not being collected. Then again, it could be reporters.

I hate reporters.

I stood on my tip toes and looked through the peep hole only to see a distorted version of Drew standing on the other side of my door. I opened it and felt the cool air coming rushing in.

"Drew," I said my voice breathy and slightly uneven.

"Lauren," He brought me into a hug quickly and I don't shy away from the contact. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe this." He whispered into my hair and kissed me on the top of the head.

I broke away. "Come in, it's getting cold out there."

I sat down on the couch and he took off his coat and shoes and joined me. We sat in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke.

"I should have stayed with you last night," His voice was somber. "This is my fault."

"How can you say that?" I looked him in the eyes and saw that they were red-rimmed, just like mine. "This is not your fault."

"I should have at least stayed with you, or let you go earlier. I mean, if you never would have came to find me this wouldn't have happened."

He looked like he was about to cry and I couldn't help but feel like I needed to put him at ease. I guess that was what always happened with us. We were here to comfort one another.

I was about to speak when he interrupted me.

"God," He sighed. "How stupid am I? This has nothing to do with me. How are you?"

"Honestly, I feel like I'm living in a nightmare that just keeps getting worse." I couldn't even look at him as I spoke. "I don't even know what's real anymore, or if I am even real or you or anything. I am so numb to feeling what is around me."

He lifted my chin slightly so that he was looking me in the eyes. "You are real." He kept his eyes locked on mine. "You are the most real person that I know."

"Says the figment of my imagination." I reply in a sarcastic tone.

"How can you say your truth is better than mine," He broke his gaze. "If you want to live there then go ahead, but this right here," He put my hand in his. "This is real, right here, right now. This is real."

"I know, it's just so hard to know what to believe anymore." I look down at our hands intertwined. "If I were you, I wouldn't get to close to me anyway."

Confusion covered his features. "What do you mean?"

"Everyone close to me dies Drew," I stood up suddenly. "I would get out while you still can."

He followed me down the hall and turned me to face him. I shake my head. "I'm serious."

He smiled. "So am I, and I'm not going anywhere."

"You should."

"But I won't."

Realizing that I'm not going to win with him, I concede. We sit back down on the couch together. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me close.

"I know you are scared right now, but you don't have to go through this on your own. There are people out there who care about you."

I look at him not sure what to say. Here he is telling me how real and special I am right after my mother died. How he will be here to care about me and to help me. I think back to the kiss he gave me on the beach and what he said about being ready. I always thought that I was never going to be ready. There was only one person for me, and he was gone. What if I should let go of the past and look at the person who is sitting in front of me, the one who is willing to give up so much and wait till I'm finally ready.

He touched my shoulder lightly and I jumped a bit. "Do you understand what I am telling you Lauren?"

"I—I'm not sure," I trail off.

He cupped face in his warm hands. "I'm saying that you can run to me when you feel like you are alone. I will be here. I promise."

His eyes are swimming with something I haven't seen in so long and I am taken aback; it's love, so full of love. It's obvious that he cares about me and it's hard to believe that this boy I thought I knew so long ago as the jock and biggest jerk, is here holding me, caring about me.

"Drew," I put my hand over his. "I am still broken and I don't know when I'm going to be alright again."

"Someday those memories will fade," He whispered. "You just need to live again."

I knew he was right. That was the same thing that Isaac said to me. I needed to move on and let it just be part of my life. It doesn't have to be the one moment that defines me. It was part of what made me who I am.

"Right now," He leaned in closer. "You need someone who can give you what you need."

"What I need…" I repeated letting it sink in.

He nodded and I could hear his breathing become shallow. I faced him and saw that his eyes were closed, like he was focusing on something.

"Drew," He flicked his eyes open. "Do you remember what you said to me last night?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"And you still mean that?"

He locked his gaze with mine. "Every word."

With that, I leaned in slowly and kissed him sweetly. When I pulled away, I saw his look of surprise. I went to kiss him again, but he pulled away from me.

"What are you doing?" He said removing his hands from my shoulders.

"I want this," I replied slowly.

"So do I Lauren," He said. "But that doesn't make it right."

"What?" I pinched the bridge of my nose. "But last night you said—"

"I know what I said," He interrupted. "I didn't me right now though. You are grieving, and I will not be the one who takes advantage of that. Not when I care about you."

"Talk about sending mixed signals," I retorted and stood up trying to get away from him.

"I'm not trying to, you wouldn't do this if the circumstances were different," He followed me again and I was becoming annoyed.

"When someone tells you that they want to be with you, rejecting them is not the best thing to do when you just told them you would always be there for them." I turned swiftly and made my way to my bedroom, not really caring whether or not he came after me.

I sat on my bed cradling a pillow in my arms. Was he right? Was I only doing this because I was lonely and wanted to feel something?

He opened the door and sat down on the bed next to me. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to be the nice guy here." I said nothing so he continued. "Believe me, I would love to—to," He paused and looked at his feet. "I just don't think that is the answer."

I sit there in silence taking in what he just said. Still not sure if he is right or not.

"Listen," I come to a conclusion. "All I know I feel and I haven't felt anything in a long time."

"If we start this," He suddenly says bluntly. "I'm not going to be able to stop."

I look at him confused.

"This is not just an easy thing for me," He said ignoring my looks. "Just jumping into bed with you, it's not something I take lightly."

"Well me either," I say quietly.

"Good," He sighs.

The air is thick between us, and it's clear that we both don't know what to say. After all of that, we still don't know where we stand. We are just as confused as ever. I glance at him to see that he is looking at me in the same way. He takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine. I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. His breathing is uneven and shallow, just as it was before. He shifts slightly and I raise my head so that I'm looking at him now.

His hazel eyes are dark and tired, but when he smiles slightly they come to life.

"Screw it," He mutters under his breath and then crashes his lips against mine.

It takes me about half of a second to adjust to this kiss because it is so different from any I've ever had before. There is an underlying tone of desperation laced within it. I kiss him back and I can feel my face grow hot. He pulls me closer to him and I wrap my arms around his neck. Soon, I am lying on top of him as he kisses my neck slowly and removes the clothing that separates our bodies. His warmth engulfs me and I moan as he touches me. There are no shivers of ecstasy or fireworks, but I feel alive as the blood within my veins grows hot.

He leaves no piece of exposed flesh untouched; he runs his hands up and down my body as he enters me. I cry out and he kisses me brusquely. We move together, slowly and he holds me close to him. We stare into each other's eyes as we move simultaneously, becoming one. He kisses me tenderly, and just like that our fit of passion is over.

He drapes his arm over me and we lay silently together; just as quickly as it began, it was over. I stare at him for a while, his features softer than I remembered them being. His eyes lighter than they were before and his lips set softer than the straight line they usually were.

He spoke suddenly in a low voice. "If someone would have told me years ago that this would happen, I never would have believed them."

I snorted slightly. "You're telling me."

He propped himself up. "I'm serious Lauren. I always had a thing for you ya know?"

"No, I don't know." I replied.

He smiled at me. "Well now you do."

"How come you would always avoid me then?" He rolled over and looked at the ceiling. "In high school, you would always pretend that you didn't notice me."

"But I did notice you. I just didn't want everyone else to know that I did. I always knew there was something different about you."

"Thanks," I furrowed my brow slightly. "I think."

He laughed. "Plus, I was the super popular football star dating the head cheerleader."

"Such a cliché."

"There is a lot more to me than what people see on the outside." He looked at with caring eyes. "I'm just glad that you see that now."

"Me too." I replied.

"I should get going though," He said standing up, putting his shirt back on. "I have a lot of stuff to move."

"Move?" I questioned.

"I'm moving out of Meggie's place," He yanked on his pants and continued. "I talked to her last night. That was why I left so suddenly, I knew she would be home."

"Oh, I see."

"Luckily, my old apartment is still available." He smiled at me. "So that's an upside."

"You guys broke up for sure though?" I remembered seeing her wearing her engagement ring at the hospital, or at least I would have sworn she was wearing it.

"For sure."

I nodded. "Ok."

"Besides, do you think I would be with you if we hadn't?" He quipped sounding like the Drew I knew.

Before I could answer, my phone rang. I grabbed it from the bedside table and saw that the number was that of the police station. The detective on the other line talked quickly and I could feel my heart racing as he told me the new developments. I hung up, not saying a word back to him and my hands were shaking as I tried to set the phone down.

"What's wrong?" Drew asked noticing my distress.

"That was the head detective on my mom's case Mark Valley." I was devoid of emotion. "They have a suspect in custody."

"That's great." He sounded hopeful.

"His name," I looked at him straight in the eye. "Is Ryan Wolfe. He said he was a CSI from Miami."

"I don't understand," He shook his head. "Is this your Ryan Wolfe? How could that be?"

I stayed silent for a moment. I was so torn. Part of me was so happy to hear that he might be alive, and part of me hated this trick someone was trying to play on me. Who else could it be? The way he described him was perfect. No one would go around saying they were him. As all of these thoughts ran through my head, all I kept circling around one word over and over again

_Alive_.

"He's alive."


	9. Home in Your Arms

She was cold as I held her in my arms, but I couldn't help but want to hold her tighter. Her breathing was shallow, and uneven. Even still, she looked beautiful. There was a sense of chaos around me. I heard someone calling for an ambulance and before I could tell them that she was alright they were trying to tear her from me.

"She's going to be fine," I yelled over the noise.

They were all in a panic trying to figure out what to do. I guess a witness fainting is the last thing you want during an investigation. I tried my best to push those thoughts out of my mind. I wasn't here to work or think about anything that has to do with work. I was here for _her._ I looked down to see her looking peaceful in my arms. It set my blood on fire just to have her so close to me. I never knew how much I missed her in the time we were apart until she was right here. I saw the ambulance coming down the road before I heard the sirens. People cleared a path for the EMT's to get into the house and I reluctantly let go of Lauren so that they could put her onto the stretcher. I went to follow her out the door when the detective stepped in front of me.

"Where do you think you are going?" He asked me in a gruff voice.

"I'm going with her," I replied as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I don't think so," He put his hands on his hips. "You are staying right here. We have some questions to ask you."

"Questions about what?" He was starting to piss me off now.

"What exactly is your relationship with Ms. Southwood?"

"Which one?" I knew it sounded cocky, but I couldn't help myself.

He narrowed his eyes. "How about we start with the one you caught like a football tonight? By the way, how did you know that was going to happen?"

"I didn't." I sat down on a stool at the kitchen counter.

"Then why did you seem to notice it before anyone else did?"

"I know her well," I crossed my arms over my chest. "That's all."

"How well do you know her?"

"I would say pretty well."

"Uh huh," He flipped open a little notebook. "And what did you say your name was?"

"I didn't."

He raised his brow and I could tell that I was in trouble. They were looking at me like a suspect, but how could that be? I just got here.

"I know where this is going," I said standing up. "And I am not involved in whatever might have happened tonight."

"Well, we are not sure anything did happen here tonight," He was writing something down now. "Are you admitting to something here Mr.-?"

"Wolfe, Ryan Wolfe."

"Mr. Wolfe, are you admitting to something?"

"I just got into town Detective. The only thing I have to admit to is wanting to see Lauren." I said soberly.

"How is it then that you happened to get into town just as soon as she found her mother dead?" He was gauging my reaction.

"Jan's dead?" My eyes were wide.

He nodded. "Lauren was the one who found her."

"My God," I said breathlessly. "Is she alright? I mean, she is kind of sensitive when it comes to her mom. Finding her like that though…"

"Why don't you tell me if she's alright? You know her so well right?" He cocked his head in a way that almost reminded me of Horatio.

"I honestly have nothing else to say right now. I would like to see Lauren though."

"That's not going to happen tonight."

"Why the hell not?" I shouted.

"She has had a long and stressful night, and I think the last thing she needs is to see anyone right now." He put his jacket on.

"You don't know her like I do." I started, but he cut me off.

"I've know the Southwood family for as long as I can remember, so don't tell me who you know better." He replied.

"Fine." I made my way to the door.

"Oh," He grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. "And don't even thing about leaving town."

"I wasn't planning on it." I said looking him straight in the eyes.

"Good, Good." He trailed off.

I shook him off and left the house. This was all so crazy. Lauren's mom was dead? How could this happen? I couldn't think of anyone who would want to hurt someone like her. Sure, she was a little protective of her daughter. Anyone could tell that she was a gentle person though. I got into my rental car and drove to the local motel and parked. I was thinking about getting a room, but my body seemed to be vibrating. I grabbed a sweater out of my duffle bag and headed out for a walk. It might be good to try to clear my head, and if not then just to get this feeling that was making its way down to my spine out. I walked down Main Street and saw that most of the little shops were sleeping for the night. When I passed by the one called Jewel Lotus I knew that it was Lauren's. Her touch was all over the place. In the way the window drapes were hung to the arrangement of the front counter.

It seemed like she was everywhere though. I was seeing her in all the little things that I would pass by. I could see why she came back here too. There was simplicity to this place that had an air of starting over. The wind picked up and I could tell that I was closer to the waterfront. There was a small path where the road stopped and it looked like it was well traveled. I made my way carefully down the sand dune and the tall beach grass. As I pushed through the grass I noticed that the moon was giving off the perfect amount of light. Soon, all I could see was the water in front of me. It was so vast and dark that it gave me a sense of peace.

I wondered if Lauren liked her beaches better than the ones we had in Miami. There was no salt in the air, and the waves were not quite the same shade of blue. Even still, it was a beautiful sight. The way the stars shined here was so different compared to every city I every lived in. They were so bright. I got lost in them as I walked down the cool sand. It was so easy to lose time here. Before I knew it, I was almost a quarter of a mile from the path where I had started. I turned around feeling a bit lost and noticed a wooden set of stairs near where the houses were nestled. I walked back to the small motel and felt a bit better now. The fall air seemed to be just what I needed. My mind was still circling around Lauren, but I knew there was no way that that was going anywhere. She was all I thought about for the months we were apart anyway. Why would I stop thinking about her even though she was so close to me? It seemed like no matter what I did she was always going to be there.

There was still something in me that questioned whether or not she wanted to see me though. Our relationship seemed to be defined by bad timing. Even today, I picked the absolute worst day to roll into town. We always seemed to be pushing the odds and fighting against all the shit that life would throw at us. My life was worse when she left, and now that I'm here who's to say that hers wasn't better without me?

The day that I got shot was quite possibly the thing that made me realize that I really had nothing in my life anymore. My family was not in the picture, and I had no one to call my own. She was the only person that I ever really, truly loved. I mentally kicked myself for the millionth time for not coming after her sooner. I was in a vicious circle again. This was the time to break free. As I finally reached my car, I was glad to rest for a moment. The chill was starting to get to me now. I guess Miami has spoiled me all of these years. I grabbed my duffle bag out of my car and started to head to the office when two cars flew into the parking lot. I noticed the red and blue sirens first, and then I saw the tell-tale black and white color.

The detective got out of the passenger seat and strode toward me. I stood frozen, not really sure what to do. I had never been on the other side of this before. It was all so foreign to me. As he came toward me a couple of uniformed officers came out of the car and had their guns trained on me. I dropped my bag at my side and put my hands up as a precaution.

"Well Mr. Wolfe," The detective started. "We checked you out."

I looked at him blankly.

"Look's like you are Lauren's ex-boyfriend, and he mom went to visit the two of you. Interesting that not long after that the two of you broke up." He smirked.

"I'm not sure what that has to do with anything." I replied quietly.

"I would call that motive," He held up a piece of familiar looking paper. "And so would the judge that signed this arrest warrant."

Before I could say anything he had me turned around and was putting a pair of cold handcuffs around my wrists.

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say or do will be held against you in a court of law…"

"I know my rights," I snapped back at him. "I'm a CSI for Miami-Dade County. I bet you didn't check that out did you?"

He looked crestfallen and in that moment I could tell that really didn't look that up.

"Just get in the car," He said as he shoved me in the back seat.

* * *

We had been in interrogation for about three hours, and it didn't look as though it was going to let up. We kept going over and over the same things. He wanted to know about mine and Lauren's relationship and why we broke up. No matter how many times I explained it he didn't seem happy with the answer. It was already morning and I was getting tired of his questions. It seemed as though he was a bit embarrassed because he didn't know that I was a cop. Usually, you don't just go arresting a so-called "brother in blue" before you really check them out.

"So tell me again about the visit that Ms. Southwood gave you." He took a long drink of water and then looked at me with narrow eyes when I didn't answer.

I sighed loudly. "As I already said, she didn't really come to see me. She came to see Lauren after she was shot. I called her when she was in the hospital and thought that she needed to know that her daughter was hurt. So she took the next plane out basically."

"And your relationship with Lauren wasn't going well at that point?"

I ran my hands over my head and felt the spot where the bullet hit me behind my left ear. A headache was starting to form and the throbbing didn't help the wound. "It's complicated."

"So explain it then Mr. Wolfe." Detective Valley said as though it was so simple.

"We broke up for a little while, but over something that had nothing to do with her mother. Is that the answer you are looking for?" I slammed my hands down on the table feeling so frustrated with this line of questioning.

"I'm just looking for the truth," He replied calmly.

"If you want to find out who killed Lauren's mother then I suggest you waste less time in here." He flicked my eyes up at him.

"Is that so?" He scratched at his beard.

"Yes," I said strongly. "I did not do it."

He didn't say anything for a long time and I sat there thinking over how many times I had been on the other side of this table. I could guess his next move, but there was really no way to be sure. He wanted to trip me up, make me say something that I meant to keep hidden. On this subject, however, I was an open book.

"Besides my relationship with Lauren, what evidence do you have that even begins to point to me?" I asked him as I crossed my arms.

"Do you seriously think that I am going to tell you that?" He chucked a bit. "I mean come on; if you really are a cop then you would know that there was no way I would give away details of a case."

"I'm a CSI," I corrected. "Not a cop."

"But you started as a cop right?"

"Yes, but there is a difference."

"Not here there isn't."

Someone came in through the door and whispered something in his ear as they handed him a file. He looked pleased with the information and then opened the file to take a look. He perused it for a moment before looking back to me.

"So," He started. "You were shot not that long ago is that correct."

He had my personnel file. They must have called Miami to get some dirt on me. I wouldn't be long before Horatio would be calling demanding to know why one of his CSI's was being held in custody on a murder charge.

"Yes, that's right," I answered. "By a scumbag drug dealer."

He nodded, still taking in the words on the page in front of him. "And you are on, and I quote 'suggested leave'."

"I had a lot of vacation days and decided that now would be an optimal time to cash them in." I knew where he was going with this now.

"But it says here that the therapist you were seeing said that you were not ready to return back to work yet." He read.

"That was only a week after I almost died," I said getting a bit hot. "Of course I wasn't ready to go back to work."

"So you cashed in those vacation days?"

"Yeah."

"It is a bit interesting that right after all that happened you came here," He was looking to get a rise out of me now, and even though I hate to admit it; it was working.

"I already told you," I nearly shouted. "I came to see Lauren."

"Right right," He was calm. "The woman who dumped you and left you in Miami without so much as a goodbye. That one?"

"That has nothing to do with this," I shook my head. "_Again_."

"I'm just trying to understand your situation Ryan," He leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. "It's got to be hard to wait for all that time to see someone who you claim to just be so in love with. It sounds to me like she left because she didn't want to be with you."

"That's not-" He cut me off.

"And then, it sounds like you just couldn't handle that. So you waited until you just couldn't wait anymore. Then you came here looking for her to just rush right back into your arms, but she didn't want to see you. So you got angry and you went after her mom to get back at her for not feeling the same way you did." He got right in my face as he explained his theory and I just couldn't take it.

"STOP," I yelled. "Just stop it!"

"Did I hit a nerve?" He leaned back again.

I shook my head. "You have no idea what you are talking about, and I'm done talking to you unless I have a lawyer present."

He scoffed. "Fine then." And with that he got up and left the room.

He left me in there to stew and I gotta give it to him; he did his job. I was mad. The things he implied about my relationship with Lauren we so far from the truth and it killed me to think that someone could possibly see that in what we have. I laid my head down on the table and tried to calm myself down. The last thing I needed was my temper getting to far out of control. It was best for me to just ride this out and let the truth come out in the end.

I knew in my heart that she would believe me, and right now that was all I needed to get through this. I closed my eyes and felt a wave of tranquility wash over me like a warm blanket. It reminded me of what it was like to hold her in my arms, and I was never going to let that feeling leave me again.

* * *

As soon as I received the phone call, I was out the door. I didn't even stop to comb my hair. I yanked on whatever clothes I had near me and ran all the way to the police station. Drew tried to get my attention as I left him standing there in my room. At that moment though, I didn't care about anything but the fact that Ryan is alive. After going for so long thinking that he was gone…

My heart leapt and was beating so loudly in my chest that it was the only thing that I could hear. My feet carried me down the streets as fast as they would take me and my hair tangled in the wind as I went. I didn't even notice the chill in the air, for nothing else mattered. Nothing else but this one thing, the one thing I had dreamt about for so long. I got to the small police building and pulled back the doors with force. The receptionist gave me a strange look as I walked up to the desk, but I ignored her.

"I need to see Mark Valley right away please." I said trying to catch my breath.

"Just one moment," She replied as she picked up the phone to call for him.

I stood silently for a moment waiting for him to come into the main lobby when I noticed someone calling out my name from the door. Drew stood there looking at me with a curious expression.

I walked over to him. "What are you doing here?"

"You ran out so fast," He replied. "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine." There was a strange silence between us. I felt a bit awkward around him after what happened this morning.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He reached out to touch my shoulder and I pulled away.

"I think I need to do this on my own." I said as I watched his face fall.

"Look if you are regretting what happened earlier…" He began

"I don't regret it Drew," I half smiled. "But right now, I would just rather not let it be a thing you know?"

"So you want to forget about it?" He asked

"I'm saying that in light of everything I'm glad it happened, but it's not a defining moment for me right now." I shook my head a bit. "That makes me sound horrible doesn't it?"

"I understand where you are coming from," He said through a frown. "You just found out some big news."

"Exactly."

"It will always mean a lot to me though Lauren." He said softly.

"I know." I smiled at him.

"Detective Valley said you can go back now," The receptionist said and I turned around to face her.

"Thank you." I said to her.

I walked toward the hallway and threw a little wave at Drew before he walked out the door. Mark met me at the end of the hall and looked exhausted. He had a few questionable stains on his shirt and I noticed he had a slight beard growing in.

"Are you going to take me to see him?" I asked slightly impatiently

"Yeah yeah," He said sounding cranky. "You can't go in the room though Lauren. You are part of the family and you can't talk to a suspect. It's just protocol."

"Uh huh," I said not really listening as he opened the door to the viewing room. The two way glass was covered by shades and at the moment so I couldn't see anything.

"I'm serious Lauren," He said looking me right in the eyes. He saw that I wasn't going to answer and hesitated to open the blinds.

"Mark," I pleaded.

He nodded and raised them slowly so that I could peer into the dreary room. It was simple looking and not as bright as the interrogation rooms in Miami. There sitting at the long table in the middle of the room was a man with his head down on the table. It was hard to tell much from that, and I held my breath as he raised himself up. I blinked trying to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I knew that they weren't.

He really was alive.

He was sitting right there, just through the glass. He looked so much like I remembered and just a little bit different too. He looked tired. I could see the circles underneath his eyes that were still the same hazel that I loved. His hair was cropped shorter than I remembered, but I liked it. I could barely believe that it was really him. It all seemed so surreal, but I knew that this time I wasn't dreaming. This was real. He wrung his hands together and hung his head again. I let out the breath that I was holding in and felt tears spill out of my eyes.

I couldn't just stand here when he was right there. I ran out of the room and ignored Mark yelling at me not to go into his room. I threw open the door and he bolted up at the sound of the door hitting the wall. His eyes grew soft at the sight of me and I couldn't help but feel weak in the knees I tried to take a step toward him and my legs buckled underneath me. He jumped from his chain and caught me in his arms before I hit the floor. He was so close to me that I almost didn't believe it.

The tears were flowing freely now, and I tried to memorized every little thing about him that I might have forgotten. I brought my hand up to his face and he welcomed my touch.

"Falling for me again I see," He quipped softly.

"Ryan," I whispered. "I can't believe it's really you."

"It's me I promise." He said holding me to him.

I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "I thought you were dead. I saw the news story and I called the lab and they said you were gone."

"I know, I know." He said running his hands through my hair.

I cried into his shoulder and never wanted him to let go of me ever again. In that moment, I realized how much I had missed his arms around me. It felt like I was back home again. This was what I had wanted for so long and now I finally had it. Without a second thought I pulled him close to me and kissed him fiercely on the lips.

As we kissed in the middle of the interrogation room, my whole body warmed. As he kissed me I felt every single molecule in my body react. Every shiver and firework led straight to my spine and I was on fire again. I moaned into the kiss and deepened it as I tried to make the moment last as long as possible. We were lost in each other and nothing else mattered to us. My body was on fire and his hands snaked themselves around my body to hold me closer. When we finally broke the kiss, I saw a look of concern in his eyes. I turned to see Detective Valley, Drew, and Eric Delko staring down at us.

"Well, it looks like he really is alive," Drew said sarcastically.

I gave him a look and he stared down at his feet. Mark was glaring at me and Delko had a slight grin on his face. Ryan helped me to stand and I never let go of him.

"Hey Delko, what are you doing here?" Ryan asked.

"Hey yourself," He replied. "H sent me here, and I was just talking to Detective Valley about getting you out of here."

"Sounds good to me." He smiled at me a planted a kiss on the top of my head.

"You are free to go," Mark said sounding unhappy about it. "With our apologies of course. It looks as though your alibi checks out. The rental car place has the time that you signed the paperwork on video and it clears you for the murder."

"Just as I was saying all along." Ryan replied sounding a bit smug.

Mark half grimaced as he tried to smile.

We made our way out into the lobby and Ryan loosed his grip on my hand.

"Where are you going?" I said slightly panicked.

"I just have to go get the stuff they took from me when they arrested me," He said smiling. "I'll be right back. I promise."

I nodded as he went to go grab his things. Delko went with him and I could see them talking about him getting arrested and the kiss that we just shared. Clearly if Horatio sent him here he was here he was not happy about one of his people being falsely accused. I stood silently waiting for him to return. Part of me felt as though he would disappear if I didn't keep my eyes on him the whole time.

"Lauren," I heard Drew say from behind me.

I saw him standing there with his hands in his pockets and I felt a bit bad. I knew that I made a mistake by sleeping with him, but I didn't want to say that to him. I was so emotional and just not thinking clearly. I should have listened to him when he told me that it was a mistake, because now I realized that it was. Even if I would have known that Ryan was alive, it was a mistake.

"Drew, I honestly don't know what to say." I looked at my fingers that were laced within one another.

"I saw you in there with him," He said simply. "You don't have to say anything. There was no way that I was ever going to be able to compete with a dead man was there?"

He took my silence as the answer that it was; a no.

"I thought so," He sighed. "And now that he is alive, I haven't a shot in hell. Look, I told you that I wanted to be the good guy. I stick by that. I'm not going to try to come in between the two of you. You look happy, and that's all I wanted to see for you anyway."

"Thank you," I was glad that he was so understanding. It seemed like this whole situation was working out too well, but I was a bit blind to anything but Ryan at the moment.

"I'm just glad that I got to know what it was like," He smiled. "You know, to be with you."

"You should go talk to Meggie," I said softly. "Maybe she is the right girl for you."

"I don't know that there is a right girl for me," He looked solemn as he said it. "I'll see you around."

And with that he walked out into the sun.

I felt a pair of arms snake around me and I turned around to be greeted with a sweet kiss.

"How are you?" Ryan asked me looking serious.

"I'm holding on the best I know how," I replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I do."

He smiled at me my favorite smile, and I felt for a moment that maybe everything was going to work itself out after all.


End file.
